The ORIGINAL Starkit's Prophecy Repost
by The Magic Catgirl
Summary: The infamous Warriors classic, reposted in beautiful, spelling and grammar corrected glory. Read at your own risk, the plotline is still bad enough to make you want to claw your eyes out. Rated T because of the original author's many humorous typos that I left in for your reading pleasure.
1. Prologue

_**STARKIT'S PROPHECY: THE BIRTH OF A (HOPEFULLY) TROLLFIC**_

Yes, I'm making you sit through a history lesson before we can get on with the story. If you have a problem with that, then I guess you can try to figure out what in the name of Starclan the author is trying to say by reading the original. Now then...

This is a repost of the great Warriors fanfiction classic, _Starkit's Prophecy_, written by the gifted and talented (at being bad) writer, xdarkrosesx. This magnificent volume not only includes the original, edited for spelling and grammar xdarkrosesx classic, but it also comes **FREE!** with commentary by yours truly.

This abysmal piece of fanfiction was posted here in 2010, where it was an immediate hit, gaining over ten thousand flames from Fanfiction community members worldwide. To the shock of many, Fanfiction had the nerve and audacity to delete _Starkit's Prophecy_ from the Warriors fanfiction archive six months after its first posting, when it was only halfway complete. However, xdarkrosesx refused to give up, and reposted her "story" in all its facist, horribly thought out, mind scarring, Mary Sue starring, biased, homophobic, gramatically incorrect, completely random, screw-canon-I'll-do-what-I-want, spelling error full, nonsensical, annoying, undeveloped glory. It was permanently deleted in 2011, but by then, xdarkrosesx had finished Starkit's Prophecy and vanished from the internet. The story was never heard from again...until now.

The story of _Starkit's Prophecy_ is based off of Warriors, although it is so royally screwed up that you probably wouldn't know that it was Warriors fanfiction if I hadn't told you beforehand. To put it in other terms: You don't even have to know Warriors to understand this story, because it throws canon out the window within the first two chapters.

_Starkit's Prophecy_ is infamous for its rape of canon, Warriors characters, and the English language, thus earning the much-deserved title of The Second Worst Piece of Fanfiction to ever grace the interwebs, right behind _My Immortal_. (Which, in its own right, deserves the title of the worst)

To this day, it is unknown if xdarkrosesx is just the biggest troll of all time, or if she really is some psychotic I'm-Catholic-so-everyone-else-should-be-too homophobic teenager. We can only hope that it is the former, as even thinking about the possibility that the latter is true makes me want to weep for the future of humanity. WEEP WITH ME.

Anyways, I've wasted enough of your time, so click that arrow so we can venture into the dangerous world that is...Starkit's Prophecy.


	2. The Rise of a Heroine

**Now, I know what you're thinking. "That was the infamous Starkit's Prophecy? Sheesh, this can't be that bad!"**

**Think again. This is where things get "good". Also, I don't count redundancy as a grammatical error. Not that this story has any of that...**

**Please note that if I can't make heads or tails of a typo, I'll leave it as it is.**

Chapter 2: The Rise of a Heroine

**Ok Jazzie-Kun, please don't get mad at me because you're not in it yet. You'll appear soon, don't worry.**

Starkit woke up and sunlight was in the branches. She closed her eyes again, still tired. But her mom wouldn't let her sleep. Not today.

"Sweetie, it's time to get up," said Dawnsparkle, her eyes shining. "Today is important today."

"What is it, Mom?" said Starkit, awake right away. Then the she-cat remembered what today was.

"Oh my gosh, it's my ceremony today!" she squealed excitedly. Today was the day she was an apprentice!

She flicked outside, not even waiting for her mom. But her mom caught up to her quickly.

"Sweetie, you know the clans don't accept cats like us sometimes," she said.

Starkit glared. She didn't like being told that. Just because her mom used to be Shadowclan cat and her dad was Jayfeather, the medicine cat, didn't mean she was different!

"Starpaw, come here," said Firestar from the Highledge. He jumped down.

"Starkit, it's time for you to become an apprentice," he said. "You're a strong, brave cat, and because of that, I will mentor with you."

Everybody gasped. Starkit did too. She heard her mother say, "Wow!".

Fireheart licked her shoulder. He whispered in her ear, "You'll be the best there ever was, Starpaw. I know it."

Surprised, she walked away when they were done yowling for her. Then she went over to Jayfeather and Dawnsparkle, who were very proud.

"Daughter, we're very happy, but we have to say something," said Jayfeather, his chest puffed out. "You see, there is this prophecy Starclan gave me. It said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

Starpaw gasped. "What does it mean?"

**LOL, I update fast, don't I? Review or I'll hit you over the head with a frying pan! XD, JK!**

**Well, if you made it through the first chapter, good for you. It only gets worse from here.**


	3. The Battle For The Clan

**I swear, whoever wrote this has to be related to Tara Gilesbie. You see Starpaw's first example of Mary-Sue-ness in this chapter.**

Chapter Three: The Battle For The Clan

**Thanks to Jazzie-Kun for the good review! And stop flaming the story! I bet you can't write such a good story!**

Starpaw walked over to the apprentices' den. Inside, she saw her sisters, Flamepaw and Lakepaw, and her friend, Jazzpaw. **(AN: Jazzie-Kun, you're my BFF!)**She was sleeping on the moss.

"Jazzpaw, get up!" she cried. Jazzpaw opened her brilliant blue eyes and looked at her.

"Do you want to go on patrol with me?" she asked.

"Sure!" said Jazzpaw, getting up from the moss. They left and went to the entrance to camp.

But then, a cat came in through the entrance! It was Blackstar!

"Shadowclan are attacking!" Starpaw yelled. All the cats came out from their dens. She jumped on a cat and clawed him, and he ran off. **(Editor's Note: Sure, because every cat who's only been an apprentice for five minutes can fight off a fully-grown Shadowclan warrior in one blow)**

"Good job, Starpaw!" Firestar called. "The last cat I knew that could fight like that was Sandstorm. You're a good fighter!"

Starpaw was happy. She was a good fighter! Maybe this was what the prophecy meant.

**Thanks, and please no more flames.**

**Well, that was interesting, was it not? I believe we get into the love dodecahedron in the next chapter. Better get ready...**


	4. The Training Under The Star

**Before we go any further, I would like to take a moment to rant about this author's abuse of the Japanese language. For starters, seeing as Jazzpaw is female, we will assume that her real-life counterpart is also female. Yet the author continuously refers to her as "Jazzie-Kun", an honorific meant for a young teenage boy. A more appropriate choice might have been "Jazzie-Chan", as that refers to a close friend, which I think is pretty obvious these two are. Also, the word "kawaii" pops up several times throughout this fanfic, and is used out of context every time. It means "cute", as in, "Did you see Liz's new outfit? It's so kawaii!" The way this author uses it is completely different. It means cute, not beautiful or sweet. This concludes the language lesson.**

Chapter Three: The Training Under The Star

**Oh my gosh, guys, I'm so sorry, but s**_**omeone**_** *glares at Rainy Days* flamed me and I got really hurt. Okay, if you don't like the story, you don't have to read it, you know.**

Chapter Three: The Training Under The Star

Shadowclan ran from the camp. Starpaw smiled. She had won! Nobody could hurt her family now.

"Starpaw!" said Firestar. "It's time to train! I want to show you how to fight!"

"Ok," said Starpaw happily. "But you just saw I could fight, right?" "Well, yeah," said Firestar. "But I wanted to see if that was all you knew."

"Ok." They went to the forest together while the other cats cleaned up the bodies. "Ok, Starpaw," said Firestar once they got there. "We'll start with how to dodge."

"Come on, that's too easy!" yelled Starpaw. She had just beaten Blackstar! She was ready for anything!

"Ok, ok," mewed Firestar. "Let's learn how to claw an opponent."

"Yeah," yowled Starkit. She jumped at Firestar, not giving him time to attack. She hit his side. He didn't move. He was too surprised that she had clawed him. He started bleeding. "Wow, Starpaw," he said. "You're doing awesome." "Really?" gasped Starpaw. She didn't think she was doing that good. Was she really special like the prophecy said?

"Yes, Starpaw," snarled Firestar. "I couldn't even get away fast enough. Only Scourge did that before."

"Oh my gosh, really?" asked Starpaw. Scourge? The Scourge? She had heard so much about him. He was really evil and killed a lot of cats. "I'm like Scourge?" "I didn't mean it like that," Firepaw said quickly. "I meant you were a good fighter. It's really cool." At that minute he thought to himself, _Starpaw's so kawaii! Look at her eyes and her fur._

"Oh, ok, thanks." They trained for a while. Later, Starpaw beat Firestar eight times. Once, she let him win to make him feel better, and by the last one she was a little tired. **(Editor's Note: Again, you've been an apprentice for about two hours, but you've managed to beat the savior of the clans, who has much more experience than you, **_**eight times?**_** Words escape me. Also, Firestar thinks that his great-granddaughter is kawaii? Incest alert...)**

"Hey, Firestar, can we hunt now?" said Starpaw. "I'm kind of hungry."

"Oh, well, if you want." Firestar was disappointed. He and Starpaw had been having so much fun. So they went hunting. Starpaw messed up a couple of times, but Firestar said it was okay, since it was only her second time. **(AN: She had her first time when she was a little kit and she and Firestar sneaked out together, that's why he chose her as his apprentice)**

Later that night, Starpaw looked up at the stars. She and Firestar had had so much fun this day. They had brought back enough food for the whole clan. **(Editor's Note: Three guesses who caught most of it...)**

Looking up at the stars, she turned to her best friend, Jazzpaw, and said, "Do you think we'll ever be up there?"

"Yeah, totally," said Jazzpaw. "I mean, you'll be leader and I'll be deputy one day. We'll have to!"

"Yeah," said Starpaw, smiling. She loved Jazzpaw. **(AN: NOT IN THAT WAY YOU SICKOS!)** They were best friends. She looked up at the stars again and smiled. She fell asleep with the voices of Starclan whispering in her head.

**Reviews are my life.**

**(LOL, did you like it Jazzy? I made you as kawaii as I could)**

**Well, that was another wonderful chapter of Starkit's Prophecy. Honestly, if it weren't for all my anime songs on my iTunes, I don't think I would have made it this far.**


	5. Starpaw Decides

_**I just realized, it's probably rather difficult to tell where my notes end and where xdarkrosesx's begin. So from now on, my notes are in bold italics, the original author's notes are in bold. Also, several people have asked why I reposted this, seeing as it's so bad. Just for laughs, I guess. We should just be thankful that this is the only one, not like My Immortal with its 50 copycat repost commentaries.**_

_**Again, if I can't make heads or tails of a typo, I'll leave it as it was. Fair warning: this is when the Author Notes go from sad to hysterical/even sadder, depending on your point of view. In other words, she brings religion into the picture. I am not responsible if your eyes die trying to read the author's love of Caps Lock and excessive punctuation.**_

Chapter Four: Starpaw Decides

**Flamers, you're all Satanists! Anyone who doesn't like the story is a Satanist because Starpaw has such a strong connection with Starclan! That's why you don't like it, it's because you don't like JESUS!**

"Starpaw, wake up, it's time to go on patrol."

Starpaw opened her bright rainbow eyes and looked around. _**(Editor's Note: Don't you just love how the only time the author ever describes anything is when it concerns Starpaw?)**_

"Oh my gosh, who was that?" she yelled.

"It's me, Graystripe," Graystripe whispered in her ear. Starpaw got up.

"Oh my gosh, Graystripe, what do you want?" she yelped. Graystripe looked at her. "Will you be my mate?" he asked. **_(Editor's Note: And so the love dodecahedron begins...)_**

"Oh my gosh, Graystripe, that's so nice!" Starkit screamed. "But Firestar already asked me."

"Well then, he's just an idiot."

"Starpaw, wake up, it's time to go on patrol."

Starpaw opened her bright rainbow eyes and looked around. _**(Editor's Note: I'm confused. Didn't we just go through this?)**_

"Oh my gosh, who was that?" she yelled.

"It's me, Graystripe," he whispered in her ear. Starpaw got up.

"Oh my gosh, Graystripe, what do you want?" she yelped. Graystripe looked at her. "Will you be my mate?" he asked.

"Oh my gosh, Graystripe, that's so nice!" Starkit screamed. "But Firestar already asked me."

"Well then, he's just an idiot."

"Why do you say that?" yelled Starpaw. Graystripe looked at her angrily. "I don't like him," squeaked Graystripe. He looked around quickly. "He's a mean cat!"

"OH MY GOSH, YOU MEAN LIKE SCOURGE?" Starpaw was shocked.

"No, you're much prettier then Scourge," said Graystripe. He licked her on the head. "I want you to be my mate," he yelled. _**(Editor's Note: That was relevant, how exactly?)**_

"Well, maybe. But what would Firestar say?" she whispered. Graystripe looked around again. "I don't think he would mind," said Graystripe.

"OH MY GOSH, SURE THEN!" Starpaw yelled happily.

"What are you talking about?" said Fireheart. He was walking up. He looked angry.

"Oh, uh, nothing, Firestar! Go back to sleep!" mewed Starpaw, hoping he would leave so she could be alone with Graystripe.

"Yeah, Firestar, there's nothing to worry about!" cheered Graystripe, but Firestar didn't leave. Instead, he said, "I thought I heard you asking her to be your mate."

"Oh, uh, yeah," yelled Starpaw, but he didn't leave. Instead he jumped on Graystripe!

"I want to be with her!" said Fireheart, attacking Graystripe. **_(Editor's Note: Not completely OOC for both of them at all...)_**

"No, I do!" Graystripe shouted.

"Guys, stop fighting! You can BOTH be my mates!" Starpaw whispered. apply like seCert."

"No, we can't do that! There can only be one!" howled Firestar. "Otherwise, you'll cheat on us."

"So, Stargleam, who will you pick?" giggled Graystripe.


	6. Untitled

_**Let's make a list of all the delusions this author is under!**_

_**1) That her story is good**_

_**2) That she's a good author**_

_**3) That everyone in the world is either Satanist or Catholic**_

_**4) That Catholicism is the only religion in the world**_

_**A quick note: If a typo is simply hilarious, I'll leave it in for your pleasure.**_

Chapter Five: Untitled

**YOU'RE ALL JUST SATANISTS! Why can't you just accept Jesus? It would make your life so much more enjoyable! You would never have to worry again!**

Starpaw said, "I...I..." She was so focused! These two cats had asked her to be their mates! What was she supposed to do? They were both handsome and all that, but both had mates! And she loved them both! Firestar was so kind, and he obviously liked her a lot. Graystripe was so funny and cool.

"!" said Starpaw as she ran into the forest. It was too much! She couldn't choose! _**(Editor's Note: Another typical Mary Sue trait: Even if you make it as simple as, "Push the green button to save the world, push the red one to destroy it in a fiery inferno," they'll still spend hours agonizing over which one to choose in a completely unnecessary dramatic sequence)**_

She ran and ran and ran until her paws hurt. Then she realized that she had crossed the border. _Oh no,_ she thought. _Shadowclan will get me._"What are you doing here?" said Blackstar as he walked up.

"I'm sorry!" meowed Starkit. "I didn't mean to!"

"That's ok," said Blackstar. "Nobody's perfect." "No, that's not true," said Starpaw, offended. "Starclan is." "What do you mean?" whined Blackstar.

"Well, they give us all this help and stuff," said Starpaw. "Without them, we would be lost," she said.

"I guess that's true, " Blackstar said. "Besides, I didn't really mean that anyway."

"Oh really, why?" said Starpaw. "Because you are!" _**(Editor's Note: Not that Blackstar was already stranded in the middle of OOC-land before that sentence, but now is around the point where it should be making you dry heave)**_

"WHAT?" yowled Starpaw, jumping away Blackstar tried to nuzzle her. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, MOLE STRAEP ME?"

"I-" Blackstar started to explain, but Starpaw was too quick.

"No," she said. "I don't need another tom after me! I've got enough problems right now anyway!"

"But you're perfect!" said Blackstar. "You beat me in battle! You have to be!"

"NO!" shouted Starpaw again. She ran into the forest. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She was crying. "It's too much!" she thought. "Starclan help me!" _**(Editor's Note: "DAMMIT! I HATE BEING A MARY SUE!")**_


	7. Decisions

_**Every time you don't review a story, a trollfic gets posted. I've seen this story's views. Don't try to deny it.**_

Chapter Six: Decisions

**STOP FLAMING! IF YOU'RE A FLAMER, YOU'RE A SATANIST AND WILL BURN IN HELL! **_**(Haven't we already been through this? Or do you just love to find ways to satisfy your love of Caps Lock and remind us all how infinitely superior you are to us when it comes to religion?)**_****

LAST TIME ON STARKIT'S PROPHECY:

"NO!" shouted Starpaw, again running into the forest. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She was crying. _It's too much,_ she thought. "Starclan help me!"

After that, Starpaw walked through the forest. She was so depressed! How was she supposed to pick? Then she saw Jayfeather coming through the forest towards her.

"Jayfeather, I'm so confused! What do I do?" she yelled. "There are three toms after me! THREE!" _**("And I'm a complete Mary Sue on top of it! IT ISN'T FAIR!111!")**_

"I know," said Jayfeather. He looked happy. "That's good for you, it means that people like you," he told her, smiling.

"I KNOW, BUT I LOVE ALL OF THEM!" said Starpaw, wailing. "I DON'T KNOW WHO TO PICK!"

"Well then, let me tell you a story," said Jayfeather, as he sat down. "Once upon a time, there were a few cats that I liked."

"Who were they?" said Starpaw, sniffing.

"Their names were Dawnsparkle and Stick," said Jayfeather. _**(Oh, dear lord. Not only is she raping everything canon in Warriors, now she's raping one of the best fanon pairings ever, too)**_

"OH MY GOSH, A STICK?" whispered Starpaw. "YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH A STICK?" She couldn't believe it. After all this time, she finds out that her father loved a STICK. She gasped in shock.

"What did you do?" she asked, though, because she was curious.

"Well, I couldn't have kids with a stick, now, could I?" said Jaypaw. He looked confused, like he hadn't even thought she would ask that question.

"SO YOU WENT WITH DAWNSPARKLE INSTEAD!" yelled Starpaw, looking very happy. "But that doesn't help me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Follow your heart," said Jayfeather. "Who do you want to be with?" _**(That was the exact same thing that Spottedleaf said to Leafpool, and look where it got her. Then again, I seriously doubt that this author was advanced enough to use something like foreshadowing)**_

_Hmm._ Starpaw thought for a second. "Firestar!" she yelled, and then ran off to tell him that she loved him.

**NO FLAMES!**

_**Well, as far as plot development goes, we've got two-way incest, the biggest Mary Sue of all time, and an extremely OOC, well, everyone. Please let it be a trollfic...**_


	8. The Ceremony, Part 1

_**Everytime you don't review a fanfic, a trollfic gets posted.**_

_**I forgot this disclaimer in the last chapter. I am not responsible if you go blind from xdarkrosesx's love of Caps Lock. Also, since she never put up disclaimers, I guess it's my job. I don't own Warriors, or whatever she considered the canon universe to be.**_

Chapter Eight: The Ceremony, Part 1

**STOP GIVING BAD REVIEWS! But thank you Jazzpaw for the good reviews you've been leaving.**

Starpaw skidded into the camp. "FIRESTAR!" she yowled. "I have to tell you something!"

"Not now, Starpaw," he said. "You've got to become a WARRIOR!" _**(So lemme get this straight. Starpaw's been an apprentice for...two, three days? And she's already becoming a warior? Did this author just skim through Into The Wild and decide to give it her best shot?)**_

"OH MY GOSH, REALLY?" screamed Starpaw.

"YEAH," said Firestar. "You've been a warrior for only 3.14 days, but you are the best apprentice in in the clan. You're perfect. We need you to help defeat Blackstar and Shadowclan. And all the other clans. They are trying to attack us. We're in the middle of a war." _**(Another typical Warriors fanon feature: anyone not in Thunderclan is a bad guy)**_

"Oh my gosh, WE ARE?" screamed Starpaw. She was so surprised!

"Yeah, Dustpelt died while you were away on your walk. Riverclan attacked us," said Sandstorm. She looked sort of sad. She knew Firestar loved Stargleam. But it was ok, she knew what was best. _**(So Sandstorm knows that Firestar is cheating on her with their great-granddaughter and she doesn't even care? The OOC-ness is strong with this one...)**_

"Oh my gosh," said Starpaw. "Quick, make me a warrior!"

"Ok," said Firestar. He walked up to Starpaw. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath Highledge!"

"Today we are making a new warrior."

The clan gasped!

"Starpaw! Starpaw!" shouted the clan. They all knew instantly it was she who was being made a warrior. _**(So she's somehow earned the love of everyone in Thunderclan over the course of 3 days? Sure...)**_

Starpaw was so excited! She had never been so happy in her life!

"Starpaw…" said Firepaw. He was smiling like she had never seen him smile before. "Are you ready to become a warrior in the name of Starclan?"

"Yes!" she shouted.

"Ok," he said. "Then by the powers of Starclan, I give you this name. From now on, you will be known as Starpaw for your pelt which shines like the stars and your connection to Starclan. We honor your bravery and kindness."

"Starpaw! Starpaw!" shouted the clan.

Stargleam grinned. She was a warrior! "At last!"

"Firestar," she said, coming over to him. "I want to tell you something." She looked seriously at him.

"Yeah, what is it?" he said, hope shining in his eyes.

_Does he know? _Stargleam thought.

"Firestar…" she breathed. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this after so long. _**(You've loved him for five minutes. You're making it sound like it's Rose reuniting with Jack)**_

"I…"

"WINDCLAN, ATTACK!" shouted a voice from above the camp.

It was…

HOLLYLEAF!

**I worked real hard on this chapter and tried to spell good, so please review NICELY!**

_**Wait. You call that your best attempt at spelling? If you can handle it, here is the original version of that chapter so you all can understand what I'm talking about.**_

Chapter Ate The Serimmony 1

**STOP REVOFIGN BAD! but than u JASZpAW for tehh godo revewis uve ben levving**

StarPaw skided into de Camp. "FIRSTAR" SHE YOWLED "I ha to tel; uo somesting?"

"nut ow StarOaw" he sadi "yuve gut to become WARRIOR!'

"MOGOSH REALLY creamed StarPaw.

YEAH SAID firestar "Youv been a war for onll 3.14 dayss butt u are the best apent ice in the cAlan. Ur perfect. We ndd you to help dfeat BlackStar and ShadowclaN. And all teh other calns. Tehy are tyring 2 attack us were in the meddle of a warr. "

"omgosh WE ARE?" scremmed StarPal she sus so surpissed!

"Ya DustPelt did while U were away in your walk Rivrclan attacked us." Said SandTrom. She locked sortaf sad she New FireStart lovved Stargleam. But it wass ok she newt wht wus best.

"OMGoht" sid StarPaw. "Quickk mack me a warrror!"

"Oak" said Firestar. He wlaked up to StarPaw. "aLL Cats Gather Round Who Are Older To Cach There One Prey!"

"Tday we are making a new Warrior."

The calnn GASPED!

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior.

Starpaw was so exited! She'd never bin so hap inner life!

"StarPaw….." said FirePaw. He was simile like shed never sent him simle behfore. "Are you ready to become a Warrior in the Name of Starcaln?:"

"Yes!" she shock3d.

"oak." Eh sad. "Then by the powers of Starclan, I gave you this narme. From now on, you will be none as StarPaw for your pel which sings like the starss and ur conectin 2 StarClann. We onner you'r bravvery and" " kindness."

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They

StarGleam girned. She wass a Warrior! At least!"

"FireScar," she said, cuming over 2 him. "I wanna tell u somesing." They locked sirously at him.

"yeah wat is it?" he sad, hop shinning in his eayres.

Dos he knew? StarGlema think.

"Firestar…." She brethed. She cullednt she was actually dong this after so lung.

"I….."

WINDCLAN ATTAK! Shioted a voise from obove the Camp.

It was….

HOLYLEAF!

**I workd reall' herd on dis chapter n tired 2 spell good so plzz review NICE!**


	9. The Evil Tiger And Holly

_**Seeing as Hollyleaf is one of my favorite characters, I've always hated how the author made her evil. Ah well, what are you gonna do? Also, did you know that some of the most famous memes to come out of FF came from this fic? Just some food for thought as you read...**_

Chapter Nine: The Evil Tiger and Holly

**I SAID NO FLAMES! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! JESUS IS OUR SAVIOUR! **_**(What happened to we're all going to hell? That last sentence kinda contradicted your point)**_

"Oh no, it's Hollyleaf!" yelled Firestar. He ran away. Sandstorm went after him.

Stargleam looked up. Hollyleaf was standing there, and there was another cat with her.

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S TIGGERSTAR!" she hissed. "WHAT WILL WE DO?" _**(If you didn't catch that typo, go back and read that paragraph again. Proceed to immaturely laugh like a four year old)**_

"We fight," said Jayfeather as he ran at Hollyleaf. Stargleam watched as Hollyleaf looked at Jayfeather and killed him with one shot.

"YOU KILLED MY FATHER!" she yelled as she attacked Hollyleaf. Hollypaw got out of the way and Starpaw attacked Tiggerstar.

"You killed TigerStar!" yelled Firestar. He looked happy. "You are special!" _**(Trust me, Firestar, we established that a loooooong time ago)**_

Stargleam was so happy that she didn't notice as Hollyleaf grabbed Firestar and took him away.

"OH NO," yelled Starkit. "WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!" _**(But wasn't she so happy that she didn't notice?)**_

A** cliffhanger! See, I'm a good writer because I know what that is! Thanks for the good reviews, Jazzpaw, & everyone else WHO'S NOT A FLAMER!**

_**(Honey, it takes more than knowing what a cliffhanger is to write a good story. So far, you haven't shown any of it)**_


	10. The Rescue

_**The following message is a reinforcement of why you should be glad I'm editing the spelling and grammar. Before I got to it, this chapter was named "The Recluse". WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS TYPOS THAT WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU LAUGH IMMATURELY LIKE A FOUR YEAR OLD.**_

Chapter Ten: The Rescue

"EVERYONE, FOLLOW ME," meowed Stargleam as she charged for the entrance to the camp. Tears streamed down her face. She was so sad that her father had died and that her leader was gone. "FLAMEPAW, LAKEPAW, DUSTPELT, MOM, LIONBLAZE, FOLLOW ME," she said. "I NEED A PATROL." _**(Wait, I'm confused. Didn't Dustpelt get killed by Riverclan three chapters ago? Or is Stargleam using her Mary-Sue powers to reanimate his corpse as an Inferi?)**_

They ran into the forest, their paws working quickly. She would kill Hollyleaf and Tigerstar for what they had done!

She let out a battle cry, using her nose to track down the evil cats. Her heart burned!

Soon they had found them. They were hiding behind a boulder. "HAHAHAH" laughed Hollyleaf, putting her claws on Firestar's throat. "I'VE GOT YOU NOW!" _**(Okay, it's official. If xdarkrosesx can find an excuse to use Caps Lock, she will)**_

Stargleam gasped. "No, Fireheart!" she screamed. "Flamepaw, go!" she said.

Flamepaw hurled herself at Hollyleaf. Hollyleaf blinked at her in surprise. "What? How could they have followed me?" She clawed at Flamepaw. Flamepaw's blue eyes faded. _**(Okay, is every standoff in this story two cats running at each other and one dying in a one-hit KO? Because if that's the case, this is gonna be a long story)**_

"NO, FLAMEPAW," wailed Lakepaw, seeing her sister about to die. "I LOVE YOU, FLAMEPAW," she yowled, throwing herself in front of Hollyleaf. _**(I really hope she means sisterly love. This fanfic has enough incest already)**_

Hollyleaf's paw cut into her throat. Blood came out. Lakepaw fell down.

"NOOOO!" Starpaw screamed. "FLAMEPAW!" She ran for Hollyleaf, but it was no use. Lakepaw was dying. "I love you, Stargleam," she whispered before her blue eyes closed.

"NO! WAKE UP, LAKEPOOL!" shouted Stargleam. She was so sad and depressed. She was crying! _**(I'm reminded of one of my favorite lines from My Immortal. "I was so mad and sad.")**_

"Hahaha," laughed Hollyleaf evilly. "You just don't get it, do you? I'm one of the Three! I have powers beyond your imagination!" And then…she turned into… A BEAR! _**(What were...those unnecessary...ellipses for?)**_

"Gasp!" gasped everyone. It was a bear! _**(Captain Obvious, much?)**_

"I'M A SHAPESHITTER!" said Hollyleaf joyfully.

"Stargleam," said Flamepaw, crying. "I need to go back to the camp. I've got to bury Lakepaw. I've never been out of camp before, how do you get back?"

"You just walk to the the east," said Starpaw.

"Thanks," said Flamepaw. Crying, she picked up Lakepaw, put her on her back, and ran.

"Not so fast!" said Hollyleaf! "You're not going to get away that easily!" With a roar like a volcano erection, she jumped at Stargleam! _**(Okay, be honest here. How many of you just tried to stifle your laughter and failed epically?) **_

Everyone gasped! "NO," yowled Stargleam as something long and sharp plunged into her back. "YOU CAN'T GET ME THAT EASILY."

Everyone jumped at the Ho-Bear! The bear roared in pain! Starpaw sank her teeth into its fur. It roared.

"Ok, ok," Hollyleaf the bear said. "I now know that you're not going to be beaten that easily." Suddenly, she was a cat! Then her body dropped, her eyes went dark, and she was on the ground. Suddenly, there was a howl from the other side of the forest. It was Flamepaw!

"LAKEPAW, YOU'RE BACK!" she said.

"WHAT?" said Stargleam. Then she looked. It was Lakepool! She was running towards the forest. Stargleam was so happy. Then she saw her eyes.

THEY WERE HOLLYLEAF'S! _**(They can all create Inferi!111!)**_

T**he next chapter will come soon! AND STOP FLAMING YOU HATERS. YOU JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD.**


	11. The Fight Against The Sisters, Part 1

_**In honor of the impending apocalypse, I am posting two chapters. All hail Lord Smooze.**_

_**Warning: The following chapter contains the most famous typo in the history of . If you haven't died of laughter yet, you just might now.**_

Chapter 11: The Fight Against The Sisters, Part 1

"Oh no!" yelled Starpaw. She was so horrified. "Lakepool is back, and she is NOT OKAY!"

"Of course I'm not okay!" Lakefall screamed loudly. She hissed at Stargleam, "I'm being possessed by Hollyleaf! What do you THINK?" she yelled, and hurled herself at Starpaw. Stargleam was so surprised that she couldn't move.

Then... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO!" It was...

REDPAW! Redpaw ran over to Starpaw and jumped in front of her, so Lakepaw hit her instead. _**(Can we please decide Lakepaw/pool/fall's name already?)**_

"No, Redpaw!" choked Stargleam as she looked at Redpaw. "Redpaw, are you okay?" she asked, upset. Redpaw coughed. "No, I'm not, but at least I saved your life!" she said, and then she died. Starflame looked at Redpaw. She was so beautiful. Then Stargleam shook her head. _No, I'm STRAIGHT!_ she thought angrily. "But now, what do we do against Lakepaw?" She looked up. Lakepaw was running toward Lionblaze, and she was WIDESPED! _**(Couldn't figure out that typo, not wasting 10 minutes trying to)**_

"NOW, LIONHEART!" whispered Stargleam. She ran towards Lionblaze and hit Lakepaw, who died too.

"Stargleam, I will get you for this!" said Lakepaw as Satanclaw dragged her away to Hellclan. He was wearing pink nail polish. Then Stargleam started to cry as she realized that her sister was dead. _**(Wait, back up a second? So now Satan's a cat? And he leads a clan called Hellclan? And he wears pink nail polish? Break out the brain bleach, folks!)**_

"You killed my subject!" Hollyleaf roared, turning back into a bear. "I'll get you for this!" she said as she rushed towards Stargleam. "Oh no!" yelled everyone. "Starpaw, get out of the way!"

Time seemed to slow down as Stargleam ran away from the bear. But she ran left into...TIGGERSTAR!" _**(Oh God, here it comes)**_

"Firestar!" yelled Tiggerstar. "You are going to die now!" And he held out...SOME JEW! _**(There you have it. The most famous meme ever spawned by FF. I especially love it, seeing as I would give almost anything to have "Tiggerstar" hold me out)**_

"Oh no, jew!" yelled Flamepaw. She looked at the yew. "But it wouldn't work because there's a lizard on it." They all looked at the lizard. It was a newt. The newt ran away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Flamepaw. "Now the yew is going to work!" _**(Just more reinforcement that xdarkrosesx probably just skimmed through Warriors. If she had actually read the first six books, she would know that deathberries kill a cat. Yew [or should I say, "jew"] just makes them throw up. Also, it won't work only because there's a newt on it? Epic fail x infinity)**_

"Eat the yew!" said Tiggerstar. He thrust it at Stargleam. Stargleam backed away. "You'll never get me to eat it!" She paused, then she yelled, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

"Are you so sure?" asked Tigerstar. Then he lunged at Stargleam, grabbed her, and ran away. "You'll never catch me!" he laughed mockingly. "I'm going to Shadowclan!" And then he left. _**(Rule #150 of being a villain: Don't tell them where you're taking your Mary-Sue captive. Then they'll save her before you can kill her and do the world a favor)**_

**Guys, I've been working really hard on this while I was gone. I'm sorry for the wait. Review better and I'll update quicker.**

_**Wait, people actually gave this good reviews? I have officially lost my last shred of hope for humanity.**_


	12. The Dark Forest

_**Enjoy it while it lasts, folks. The next chapter is when things get really crazy.**_

Chapter 12: The Dark Forest

"NO!" yowled Starkit. She ran after Tigerclaw, but he was to fast. She coudn't catch up. Finally, she stopped. She was so tired so sad. Tears began to roll down her face. Her sister was dead and Tigerstar had escaped!

"Why am I so useless?' she asked. "Why couldn't I kill her?" "It's not your fault," said a voice from behind her. "WHAT? WHO'S THERE?" she said, jumping.

"It's just me," said Jayfeather, walking beside her. "You couldn't kill him because you're not dead." "What?" said Stargleam. "What do you mean?"

"He's in the Dark Forest!" said Jayfeather. "He's already dead!" _Oh no, what do I do?_ thought Stargleam.

"We can go to the Dark Forest, but it's very dangerous," mewed Jayfeather. "Take me there!" said Stargleam.

She fell asleep, and then they were in the Dark Forest. It was dark. _**(No dip, Sherlock)**_ Here, there was no moon to light the way, and it was hard to see. They heard voices! It was Tiggerstar!

"Okay then, we'll kill her AND invade Thunderclan," he was saying. "WHAT? NOO!" said Starpaw. She jumped at him. She was about to hit him when Darkstripe was there! "TIGERSTAR, WATCH OUT!" said Darkstripe. Tigerstar looked at her and he clawed her. It wasn't fair! _**(Well then, maybe you should have snuck up on him without screaming for the whole Dark Forest to hear. Then again, we all know that xdarkrosesx can't go more than five paragraphs without using Caps Lock)**_

Stargleam fell to the ground. Blood was coming from a wound on her shoulder. It was a lot of red blood. _**(What? Stargleam has normal, red blood? I was expecting golden ichor) **_Hawkfrost looked at her. She was so beautiful. _So kawaii_, he thought, just like Firestar had. He loved her. He had to save her. _**(Oh God, not this again)**_

He jumped on Tiggerstar! He bit him! But it was to late. Starpaw was dying. "I love you," she said as she died.

AND THEN STARGLEAM WAS DEAD!

_**(Sadly, Stargleam is not really dead. You'll see what I'm talking about in the next chapter)**_


	13. VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

_**In honor of the holidays, I thought I would post this chapter ahead of time. Commence the laughter at its total ridiculousness. **_

VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

**Hey guys! It's officially 12:03 AM on December 24. CHRISTMAS is life, and I thought that since it's everyone's FAVORITE holiday, I would write a Christmas special! Some people said I should. **_**(Poor dear. She's clearly never seen how much fun you have at Hannukah. I know I'm biased, but I think it's even better than Christmas. No offense to any Christians out there, you have awesome holidays, too!)**_

**But before that, I have a different version of the song "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"! :D It's called…STARGLEaM THE PURPLE CAT! **_**(I have a bad feeling about this already...)**_

Stargleam the purple cat  
Was a very purple cat  
And if you ever saw her  
You would even say she's fat _**(Grasping for rhymes here, aren't we?)**_

All of the other cats  
Used to laugh and call her names  
They never let poor Stargleam  
Join in the kitty games

Then one foggy Gathering  
Bluestar came to say  
"Stargleam with your fur so bright  
Won't you lead the Gathering tonight?"

Then all the kits loved her  
As they shouted out with glee  
Stargleam the purple cat  
You'll go down in history! _**(Oh, I think we all know she will)**_

**Okay, now here's the special.**

Spottedleaf came down from the sky to appear to Jayfeather in a dream. She said to him, "Dawnsparkle will have a kit, and her name must be Stargleam." Jayfeather asked how this was supposed to happen, since he hadn't done you-know-what with Dawnsparkle at that point. Yellowfang replied, "Trust in Starclan, and they won't lead you wrong."

So then Dawnsparkle and Jayfeather went around for a while, and then the baby started to come! So they went to an inn, but the innkeeper wouldn't let them stay there. So they went to a barn instead, and all the other animals gathered around to see the birth.

AND THEN STARKIT WAS BORN! Then there was a really bright star above them, and then Lionheart, Bluestar and Yellowfang were there.

"What are you doing here?" asked Dawnsparkle, and then they said, "We're here to see baby Jesuskit." _**(Oh dear Starclan, I know where this is going)**_

"Okay, come see her then," said Dawnsparkle, and then they all came over to her. They also gave her gold, frankenstein and myrhhe.

"This is our savior," said Bluestar. "We know it. We saw it in the stars. Starkit will be JESUS! _**(Excuse me, I need to go weep over the destruction of a perfectly lovely religion that I had no problems with until five seconds ago)**_

"Hark the herald angels sing  
Glory to the newborn king!  
Peace on earth and mercy mild  
God and sinners reconciled  
Joyful, all ye nations rise  
Join the triumph of the skies  
With the angelic host proclaim:  
Christ is born in Bethlehem  
Hark! The herald angels sing  
Glory to the newborn king!"

**(I copied the lyrics since i didn't know the song)**

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

_**Well, that was certainly...interesting. We will return to Starkit's Prophecy in the next update.**_


	14. The Meeting With Starclan

_**Before we begin, I would like to thank everyone who has stuck with me this far. This is when it gets really crazy. You have been warned.**_

Chapter 13: The Meeting With Starclan

"Oh my gosh, what happened?" shrieked Starpaw. She looked around. "Am I in Starclan?" she asked when she saw the cats that she knew.

"No, of course not, you're in the Dark Forest!" gagged a gray she-cat. Stargleam looked around wildly for Tiggerstar, but she couldn't see him. "Yes, you're in Starclan!" said the she-cat. It was Yellowfang. "Where else would you be?" _**(Yellowfang! The OOC disease hasn't made it to you, yet! One of my favorite characters has been spared!)**_

"You don't need to be so rude!" said Stargleam. She was mad.

"Sorry," said Yellowfang, "But that made me mad."

"It's okay," said Stargleam. "But I was in the Dark Forest so...HOW DID I DIE?"

"Tigerstar killed you," said Bluestar, coming over to her. "He can send cats to Starclan, even from the Dark Forest."

"Wait, so then I'm dead?" said Stargleam. "What do I do now? I can't save the forest like this!"

"That's why we are going to send you back to Thunderclan!" said Whitestorm. "But we also have something very importent to tell you first." _**(Why do I have a bad feeling about this?)**_

"Oh my gosh, what is it?" laughed Starpaw. She started to jump up and down with joy." "I want to know."

"Well, there are ten things we need to give you before you go," said Leafpool, and she gave Stargleam two rocks with writing on them. "They're the ten commandments!" _**(Oh dear lord, it wasn't enough to make Stargleam Jesus. Now she's making her Moses, too)**_

"OH MY GOSH, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS?" squealed Stargleam. She was so excited. "I GET TO HAVE TEN COMMANDMENTS?"

"Yeah," said Bluestar. "We need to give them to the clans, but they won't listen. That's why we need you to do it for us!"

"Okay," said Stargleam, and she left Starclan, taking the rocks with her.

_**Wait, so they're just bringing her back to life with no debate whatsoever? And giving her the Ten Commandments? This cannot possibly turn out well...**_


	15. The Ten Commandments

_**Alright, I just have to post this disclaimer. If you want to back out after these next few chapters, I will not be mad at you. In fact, I'll congratulate you for wanting to spare what little brain cells you will have left. You have been warned.**_

Chapter Fourteen: The Ten Commandments

Stargleam came down into the Thunderclan camp. It was dark. There were no cats outside. "ALL CATS GATHER," she said. The cats gathered. "I have Ten Commandments from Starclan!" she said. The cats gasped. The started to murmur. "Be quiet," Stargleam said. They were quiet.

"Here," she said, pushing the rocks forward. "Look at them. You must follow these commandments for your whole lives if you want to get into Starclan," she said. They looked at the rocks. _**(Why do I already have a bad feeling about this?)**_

1. Thou shalt not believe in other incesters _**(Not even going to comment on that one)**_

2. Don't make any pictures of anything and worship them. If you do, I will punish you and your grandkits. _**(But your kits get off scot-free? Eh, it made sense in xdarkrosesx's mind)**_

4. Don't say Starclan in vain. _**(Wait, what about 3? Does 3 not matter?)**_

5. Work for 6 days and worship me on 1. _**(Well, that's a little conceited, don't you think?)**_

6. Respect your mom and dad. _**(I was half expecting her to skip 6, since it's supposed to be evil)**_

7. Don't kill otters unless in battle _**(What? What did the poor otters ever do to you?)**_

8. Don't be unfaithful to your mat. _**(So you can't go around wiping your feet on other mats?)**_

9. Don't steal things from the other clans. _**(If that's the case, everyone's going to the Dark Forest)**_

10. Don't lie about your neighbor. _**(Again, we're all going to the Dark Forest if this is the case)**_

10. Don't be jealous of your neighbor. _**(Wait, what? Two tenth commandments? I can't help but wonder what this chick's grade in math is)**_

11. No BEING GAY! _**(Anyone else sensing a homophobe here? Also, these are 11 commandments. I think someone needs to go retake first grade)**_

The cats GASPED. "I'm sorry," said Daisypaw. "I've been a sinner. I'll do better next time!" All the cats agreed. Starpaw was happy! They were on the right path! If they followed Starclan, they would never go wrong!

But suddenly she saw something! It was….. Redpaw and Lakepool KISSING!

_**Here we go. In the words of the TV Tropes page for this story: "Screw the plot, using two whole chapters to teach us all that being gay is wrong is obviously MUCH more important!"**_


	16. The Truth

_**To anyone who sticks through these next few chapters: You deserve a memorial monument. Anyone who can make it through this author's extreme homophobia is a hero in my book.**_

Chapter Fifteen: THE TRUTH

Stargleam marched over to Redpaw and Lakepaw. She looked angry. "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" she asked. "The eleventh commandment is NO BEING GAY!" _**(Looks like someone needs to go rewatch The Ten Commandments...)**_

"But I love her!" said Lakepool. **(AN: EW! THIS IS DIGUSTING) **_**(Be honest here. How many of you want to tie xdarkrosesx to a chair and force her to watch Rent right about now?)**_

"But it's against the ten commandments!" said Starpaw. She went over and thrust herself between them. "Do you WANT to go the Dark Forest?"

"Yes?" answered Redpaw. _**(*Facetable*)**_

"No, you don't," said Stargleam "It's a really horrible place. I know, I've been there!"

"We're sorry," said Redpaw and Lakepaw. They looked sad. "We won't do it again."

"I hope not," said Stargleam, turning around and walking back to Firestar. "We have to show this to the rest of the clans."

"Okay," said Firestar" "We should go to the Gathering." _**(Which just so happened to be conviently occurring tonight)**_

"If we go to the Gathering, then I can show off the commandments to the other clans!" gagged Stargleam happily. "Come , let's go!" She ran off, not waiting for any other cat. Then she was at the Gathering!

"ATTENTION ALL CATS!" she yelled, leaping onto the Highrock. ?"I NEED YOUR ATTENTION! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!"

"Oh my gosh, what is it?" shouted Mistyfoot. "Is it important?" _**(So nobody at all objects to her blatantly violating clan customs?)**_

"Yes, of course it's important!" yelled Stargleam "Or else I wouldn't be here! I have the ten commandments, and you need to know what they are!" She red the ten commandments out to the other clans, and they all bowed down to her. "Thank you for telling us, Stargleam," they said happily." "We won't sin again!" _**(Of course nobody questions the fact that a seven month old kit is telling them this...)**_

"Good," said Stargleam. She jumped down from the Highrock. She saw Firestar coming through the crowd towards her. "Stargleam, you are a much better cat than me at this! You should be leader. I'm not dead, so I'll go join the elders instead!" he said, and he touched his nose to Stargleam's. "You have to go to the Moonstone today to go get your nine lives. I'll go with you, and so will Jayfeather." _**(Whoa, back up for a second. I despise Firestar almost as much as I despise Dovewing, but even he's a better leader than Stargleam, who, once again, is a SEVEN MONTH OLD KIT!)**_

"Kawaii," said Stargleam happily. They left the Gathering, and all the cats were cheering for her.

**So, how did you guys like it? It was so disgusting to write the gay part. But things are going to be better now in the clans! Also, if you're a bad reviewer, you don't believe in God. You'll go to hell. Thanks guys for the good reviews! **_**(Please tell me I'm not the only one who's getting really tired of this chick rubbing her religion in everyone else's face)**_


	17. The Nine Lives

_**The true apocalypse has arrived, 10 days later than planned. Because Starclan is about to willingly make Stargleam leader of Thunderclan.**_

Chapter Sixteen: The Nine Lives

But suddenly, as Stargleam was leaving, there was a noise from the bushes, and Shadowclan sprang out! There was Tallpoppy, Littlecloud, Redstorm, Owlpad, Scorchwind, **(AN: They're** **from the allegiances, I made them warriors. They don't appear in the books)** Cedarheart, Tawnypelt, and Russetfur, all of Blackstar's best warriors. Stargleam's was surprised. What were they going to do? "Starclaw," said Blackstar sadly. "You can't become leader, then it will be impossible for us to have kits!" he said. _**(Darn, Blackstar's still in the grips of OOC-ness after all)**_

"I've got to do this Blackstar, it's my destiny. You can't fight fate."

"No!" he meowed. "I don't want to lose you!" "It's okay," said Fireheart **(AN: He was called that now since he wasn't leader, he hadn't left yet)** "Yeah," said Graystripe. "We love her too."

"Okay," sad Blackstar sadly. They walked away. Stargleam was glad, she had a new love. She did not want to deal with this right now. _**(Five dollars says it comes back and bites her in the tail later)**_

Stargleam made Lionblaze her deputy. He took the clan back to camp. Jayfeather, Firestar, and her walked to the Moonpool. "I can't believe it," said Stargleam. "I can," said Jayfeather. He was smiling. Starpaw almost gasped. She had never seen her father smile before! "You're a great leader, Stargleam. I've always known since the first day I saw you."

"Really?" she asked. "Really," he said. She smiled, too. For the first time in a long time, she was really happy! She had so many toms chasing after her, but now this would be okay! _**(Yeah, let's just put a Band-Aid over every cat that hasn't gotten over her and try to forget that she stomped on their hearts)**_

They were close to the Moonsnot now. Stargleam was starting to get a little nervous. What if Starclan didn't like her? _**(Please let them not like her, please let them not like her...)**_

They went to the Moonpool. It was a shiny, round pool. Stargleam had never sen anything so beautiful in her life before. "I'm so proud of you," said Firestar, his gaze twinkling. Starleap smiled and licked the water. _**(CAN WE PLEASE FIGURE OUT STARGLEAM'S NAME ALREADY?)**_

It was dark! Stargleam opened her eyes, and she was in a forest. Then there were lots of stars. _Like me,_ she thought, looking at the star on her forehead. Then they shined brighter, and there were cats! Lots of cats, and they were very starry. Starclan! _**(No, it's clearly Albus Dumbledore. Then again, Stargleam would probably just lecture him on how he's going to hell)**_

"Are you ready?" shouted one of them from the front. "Yes," said Starkit. She was trembling with excitement!

One of them came up. It was a blue cat. "Bluestar," whispered Stargleam, awestruck. "With this life, I gave you leadership," said Bluestar, putting her noise to Stargleam's. It hurt! Bluestar walked away. Stargleam wondered how much more of this she could take. It hurt so much she trembled. _**(Anyone else getting the impression that xdarkrosesx pretty much just copy-pasted Firestar's nine lives from **__**The Darkest Hour into this?)**_

"With this life, I give you courage," said Yellowfang, storming up to Stargleam. It hurt like needles! _**(Never mind that cats don't know what needles are...)**_

Brambleclaw came next. He put his nose on Stargleam's forehead. It hurt like Tiggerstar's claws! _**(Wait, when did Brambleclaw die? Meh, good riddance)**_

Whitestorm stumbled over next. "With this life, I give you strength. Use it well to protect your clan."

Leafwind came over to her. "With this life, I give you knowledge." It hurt like fire! _**(Who the heck is Leafwind? Unless the author failed at Spottedleaf's name)**_

She got a life from Brindleface for a mother's love, a life from Tallstar for agility, and a life from Stonefur for bravery. She was shaking. She didn't know if she could make it! _**(Hey, the least Starclan could do is make you suffer a little bit. Now you know how all of us feel)**_

And then…from the crowd…came…A LION! _**(Just more unnecessary ellipses)**_

Stargleam GASPED! "This is Thunderstar," meowed Tallstar. "He was the first leader of Thunderclan! Or, as it was called back then, Lionclan." _**(So Thunderstar is coming for a seven month old kit when he didn't even come for Firestar? Sure)**_

Starpaw couldn't breathe. She was so excited and honored! "I can't believe it's really you, Thunderstar," she said in awe. "It's me," said the lion. He touched his massive nose to her nose, and the pain was worse than ever before! Stargleam thought she would die! "With this life, I give you HEART. You had a really strong heart before, but it's even stronger now. Thank you for giving commandments to the clans. What would Starclan do without you? Now, I will give you a name."

"Wait!" shouted Stargleam as he opened his mouth. "I don't want my name to be Starstar, that would be stupid! I want to be called Gleamstar!" _**(Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you named your main character Stargleam)**_

"Very well," said Lionstar, drooping his head. He would listen to Stargleam since she was special. "I now pronounce you…GLEAMSTAR!" _**(Despite the fact that he would tear anyone else to did that to shreds...)**_

But as the cats began to cheer, there was a darkness! The darkness swallowed everything! She could smell BLOOD! Suddenly, Tigerstar and Hollyleaf were there! In her vision! She saw them taking over the clans with an army of rogues and cats! And suddenly...there was a cat surrounded by a golden light! It was…HACKFROST! He made all the bad stuff disappear.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Stargleamstar, waking up. She just couldn't be in love with Hawkfrost! She just couldn't! _**(Wait, I'm confused. She's never even met him. How did she translate that vision into her being in love with him?)**_


	18. Return

_**I didn't think I would have to clarify this, but apparently half of the people on this website need everything spelled out for them. STARKIT'S PROPHECY IS NOT MY STORY. It is a repost of an infamous Warriors fanfiction that I edited because the spelling and grammar were terrible. I think I would have killed myself by now if this were my story.**_

Chapter 17: Return

Stargleam shook her head, waking up from the dream. Firestar was looking at her, and his green eyes where sad. "Gleamstar, you were talking in your sleep. Are you okay?" he asked. Jayfeather looked upset too.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Stargleam responded, getting up. "I just had a bad dream, that's all. It's nothing."

"If you're sure," said Firestar, and they left the Moonpool and headed back to the Thunderclan camp.

"Gleamstar, you're back!" they said happily, crowding all around her. Lakepaw and Redpaw looked sad though, because Gleamstar had said that they couldn't be in love. But Gleamstar ignored them. She knew she had to do something more important. _**(But what's more important than the violation of "teh tne commadamentz"?)**_

"Lionblaze," she said, looking for her deputy. "I need you to take a patrol to the Shadowclan border. I need you to tell Blackstar that I'm leader now," she said, and she turned and walked over the leader's den, even though everyone was trying to ask her questions about the ceremony. "Guys, let me go to bed," she said, shooing them away. "Let me have a night to myself!" _**(Not even going to comment on how wrong that sentence would sound in today's society)**_

They all walked away groaning. "She never lets us have any fun," said Berrynose. "That's not kawaii at all." _**(Yet more abuse of the Japanese language. If you're going to put a foreign language in your fanfic, the least you could do is, oh, I dunno, LEARN IT)**_

Gleamstar didn't care, she was waiting for Firestar. Then Fireheart came into her den. "I'm leaving," he said, and he left. Stargleam followed him, yelling, "WAIT! Where are you going?"

"Well, I can't be leader, so I'm just going to leave for a while. Maybe I'll be a rogue, or maybe I'll go join Skyclan. Who knows?" Then he left. Stargleam was sad because he had been her mentor and one of the cats she loved, but it was okay since that was what he wanted to do. _**(Another typical Mary-Sue trait: Even if their current love interest is trying to do something like blow up the world in a fiery inferno, the Mary-Sue in question will see nothing wrong with it "as long as he wants to do it")**_

"It's okay, Starstar," said Hawkfrost, appearing out of nowhere. "I mean, I love you, so it's all good." _**(Clearly, Hawkfrost has never tried to deal with women, much less a heartbroken Mary-Sue)**_

"I know," said Stargleam, purring. She wrapped her tail around Hawkfrost's face. She didn't care that he was a rogue, she loved him. And now they could be together! _**(Wait, wasn't she mooing and being in complete denial about loving him one chapter ago? Or has DR finally realized that two-way incest is not good in any fanfic, no matter what the fanbase? The world may never know)**_


	19. The Death

Chapter Eighteen: The Death

Starkit woke up. She had been asleep. There was a yowl from the camp! She ran outside her den and jumped on the Highledge. "I've got to kill you," someone said. It WAS….. TIGERSTAR! _**(Okay, who here didn't see that coming? Nobody? Can't imagine why...)**_

"Me too," said Hollyleaf angrily from his side. GLEAMSTAR yelled, "GET OUT OF THE CAMP EVERYONE!" She could handle it herself.

"No," said Barkfall. "We love you so much, Stargleam. We couldn't leave you." AND THE CATS FOUGHT! _**(Here come more Pokemon-style one-hit KOs)**_

Hollyleaf turned into…a…FUX! Gleamstar was surprised. She jumped! But it was too latte! The fox was an inch from her face when Lionblaze appeared! She clawed him. There was blood. "Noooooo," said Gleamstar. She was in grief. Tears fell down her sparkling gray cheeks. The shined like the sun on her sparkling checks. Her rainbow eyes were glowing like rainbows. Hawkfrost thought it was beautiful. _**(Wait, I have a few questions here. What happened to Lionblaze's invincibility? Why did she spend three sentences describing Gleamstar's tears? Also, her rainbow eyes sparkle like rainbows? No, we couldn't figure that out for ourselves)**_

"It's okay, Stargleam," said Lionblaze. "I did it for you. It makes me gay with happiness."

"LIONBLAZE, ARE YOU A…HOMOSEXUAL?" said Stargleamstar, gasping. Was her clan becoming gay? But before he could answer, he died! _**(Well, we just nearly avoided another, "BENG GAY IZ RONG!111111!" chapters. Everyone, please sigh with relief along with me)**_

"NO," said Gleamstar. "HE WAS MY BROTHER'S FATHER! I WILL AVENGE THOU," she said. She lapped at Hollyleaf! Hollyleaf turned and ran. "It's to late," she meowed "Look behind you."

Stargleam looked. Tiggerclaw was scratching DAWNSPARKLE. She ran up the the cat, clawed him, and he ran again. "Get out of here, Hacky-kun," she said. "It's too dangerous." "Nine." **(AN: 9 means no)** said Hawkfrost. "I love you, my dear. I won't leave you." _**(Nine means no? Where in the Dark Forest did that come from?)**_

But the cats were going. Tiggerstar laughed sadly. "You may have defeated us this time," he said. "But next time, we will be STRONGER." Then he left. Then Hollyleaf left. Then Thunderclan was safe!

"Since Lionblaze died," said Gleamstar, "I need a new deputy. Jazzpaw, come here." Jazzpaw came. "Jazzpaw, I want to make you a warrior, so you can be my deputy." Jazzpaw smiled! She was so happy! "Jazzpaw, from now on, you will be Jazzsong. Also, you're my deputy. Anyone have a problem with that?" She was mean because she was sad. "No," the cats said obediently. They knew she was sad. They respected it, Lionblaze was her uncle, after all. Besides, most of the cats thought Stargleam was kawaii. When she was mad, her eyes were like rainbows. She and Hawkfrost slept. **(AN:NOT LIKE THAT! THEY'RE NOT MATES! THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT YET! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE COMMANDMENTS?) **_**(Erm, the there's a little something called the warrior code that you just conviently overlooked when appointing your best friend deputy. But since everyone loves Gleamstar, they have no problems with it and won't protest DR's system of, "Screw canon, I'll do what I want!")**_

**I'm sorry it took so long, but I think I did really good on these chapters. I was tired. The last one was long. **


	20. The Marriage!

_**Hello, everyone! I'm going to be away at a big, important, state-level choir competition for the next few days, so here's two chapters to make up for the time gap.**_

Chapter 19: The Marriage!

The next morning, Stargleam woke up, and Hawkfrost was still sleeping next to her. She didn't want to wake him, so she left and went to look for a bunch of cats to go on patrol.

"Jazzsong, Redpaw, Lakepaw, Flamepelt, you're all going on a patrol to the Windclan border," she said, and then she went back to her den to wake Hawkfrost up. She had to tell him something.

"Hawkfrost, let's get married." She woke him up and looked at him expectantly as he blinked his amber eyes.

"Oh, sweet, that's a great idea!" he said. "Should we tell the clan?" _**(I never thought I would say this, but I miss evil Hawkfrost. But of course, Gleamstar's kawaii-ness has to corrupt absolutely everything canon in Warriors)**_

"Yeah, that's why I was waking you up." She left the den and Hawkfrost was following. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath Highledge for a clan meeting!"

They all gathered, even though Millie was upset that Briarpaw had been hurt. **(AN: I haven't actually read Fading Echoes yet, but I've heard that she gets hurt!) **_**(Then you probably shouldn't put it in your fanfic until you have)**_

"Hawkfrost and I are getting married!" yelled Starpaw happily. Everyone started crapping! They were so happy for Starstar. They knew she needed a mate. _**(Yeah, so this ridiculous love dodecahedron can finally come to an end)**_

"Do you know what we should do?" called out Bumblepaw, and Stargleam didn't want to listen to him because he was stupid. **(AN: Just look at his name, how could he NOT be stupid?)** But she was leader, so she decided to ask him. "What is it, Bumbleflight?" she asked, looking at the tom.

"We should go announce it at the Gathering!" he said, and everyone cheered. They all agreed with him. So the Thunderclan cats left for the Gathering. But when they got there...they saw... Blackstar was dead! In his place was...FIRESTAR!

_**What's this? Something that could actually be considered to be a plot twist? Maybe the story will get better from here! ...And wouldn't it be nice if unicorns were real.**_


	21. The New Love

Chapter 19: The New Love

**Stupid flamers! You're all Satanists! Starjesus is your savior! Why can't you just accept that? Also, I'm not a troll! People tell me I'm very pretty! **_**(Facetable times 9000)**_**  
By the way, Jazz, are you happy with the last chapter? I know I promised you I would make you deputy. **_**(So she is bribing her to be her beta! I knew it!)**_**  
**  
Gleamstar gasped! "What are you doing here, Firestar?" she said.

"I took over Shadowclan," he said happily. "I went to their territory, and they found me there. The told me that Blackstar was dead. He was so depressed when you became leader that he committed swisscide." _**(Wait, since when did Blackstar know where Switzerland was?)**_

"OH MY GOSH! BUT THAT'S A SIN!" SAID Stargleam.

"I know, right?" said Firestar. "But he was sad, because you wouldn't be his mate."

Gleamstar was sad for a moment. But then she remembered that she and Hawkfrost-kun were getting married! And she was happy again. _**(If I see one more Japanese honorific in this fanfic, so help me...)**_

She ran towards the Highoak. The cats were watching her in awe she passed. They wondered why she was even more radiant then usual today. _It's because she's happy,_ Hawkfrost thought. _**(Clap with me, everyone! DR used such a big word like radiant in its proper context!)**_

"Cats of all clans!" she yowled. "I have an announcement!"

"What is it, leader?" they all said. _**(Please not let that have meant what it implied...)**_

"Hawkfrost and I…are getting…MARRIED!"

The cats cheered, and they were happy! Some of them were sad, since they could never get to be Stargleam's mate, but they were happy anyways, because they loved her and knew what was best. _**(Great, we have a whole clan of Sandstorms now)**_

"Let the marriage begin!"

But before the marriage could happen…there was a noise! "I WANT HER TO BE MY MATE!" said a voice from above! _**(No! Not now, when we were so close to escaping the love dodecahedron once and for all!)**_

"Starclan?" said Gleamstar.

"No," said the voice. "It's…THE DARK FOREST!" _**(Be honest here. Who saw that coming from halfway across the globe?)**_

And then there were clouds! It started to rain! And..lightning struck! It hurt Stargleam!

It hurt. _**(No duh, Sherlock)**_

AND GLEAMSTAR COULD FEEL HERSELF DIE! _**(And canon was magically restored, everyone lived happily ever after, and nobody ever fell in love with Gleamstar again. No? Shoot)**_

SHE woke up. She was in the Dark Forest. She remembered what it looked like. It was black all around. "Blackstar," she said, wondering if he had wanted to see her. Was Blackstar a bad cat? She didn't know if he would go to the Dark Forest!

She saw a shape in the distance. "Blackstar?" she said. "It's me, Stargleam." _**(Oh, that narrows it down so much...)**_

Then the cat turned around. It was…ASSFUR! _**(Well, he is one...)**_

Ashfur looked at her. "Giggle," he said. "Gleamstar…you're beautiful…like Squirrelflight…I want you…to be…my mate?" _**(Apparently, Ashfur has some sort of odd breathing condition going on here)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Gleamstar.

He looked sad. "What do you mean?" he said.

And then…there was BROKENSTAR? _**(No! Not even he deserves to be part of this!)**_


	22. STARCLAN

_**Before we begin, I would like everyone to bear in mind that this is the second time Stargleam has died over the course of this fanfic. Since we're only halfway through, we have to assume that she'll be reanimated again. You may now weep for the future of humanity.**_

Chapter 20: STARCLAN

"Oh no, Brokenstar!" yelled Stargleam angrily. "I can't be talking to Brokenstar!" And she ran away, leaving Ashfur behind her. She ran and ran and ran, and then she was in Starclan!" _**(Clearly, her kawaii-ness stopped any other Dark Forest cats from attempting to kill her)**_

_Yay, I'm not at the Dark Forest anymore!_ she thought happily. She walked across the border, and then she was in Starclan!

"Welcome to Starclan," said Yellowfang. She was standing there with Leafpool, Brambleclaw, Spottedleaf and Barkface.

"Blackstar, you're not in the Dark Forest!" Gleamstar yelled happily. She didn't want him to be there. She loved him, after all. _**(BlackXGleam could have its own poorly-executed TV sitcom, it's had so many ups and downs)**_

"Of course not," Blackstar replied. "Why would I be there? I mean, I love you after all!" _**(Since when was getting into Starclan that easy? Then again, if they accepted Ashfur in the wonderful place called canon, I guess Blackstar committing swisscide isn't that far of a stretch)**_

"Well, that's true," said Gleamstar. "But I can't be in Starclan! I already came here once, I can't do it again!" _**(Nothing seems to be impossible in this fic)**_

"Well, it looks like you have," said Bluestar. She said, "But we can't send you back to the clans again. This time, it looks like we'll have to REINCARNATE YOU." _**(That's still essentially sending her back to the clans)**_

"Oh my gosh, reincarnation!" yelled Stargleam. "You mean like what happened to Cinderpaw?" _**(Even though The Forgotten Warrior is still about a year and a half from coming out...)**_

"Yeah," said Cinderpelt, coming up to her. "That's what happened to me. I was reincarnated," she said. _**(Even though her spirit shouldn't be in Starclan)**_

"But it might be a while," said Spottedleaf. "After all, we have to figure out how we're going do that first. Go do something else." _**(Yes, because there's so much to do in temporary limbo)**_

"Okay," said Gleamstar, and she left. She heard her name being called, and she turned around and saw Hawkfrost standing over her body.

"Starpaw! Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" he yowled. "Starclan, how could you do this to me! We were about to get married." _**(This might be a little sadder if it wasn't being performed by the most OOC character in this whole fanfic)**_

"I'm sorry, Hawkfrost," said Stargleam. "I'll be back soon, I think!" _**(As a kit. Without the memories of your past life)**_

"What? Who's there?" Hawkfrost looked around, but he didn't see anything.

"It's me, Gleamstar," said Gleamstar, looking at him.

"I can't see you," he said, and he bumped into a tree. Then he fell down. _**(Epic fail times 9000)**_

"Bye, Hawkfrost!" said Stargleam, and she left since she didn't want to see what would happen when her beloved Hawkfrost woke up, so she left.

"Hi there, Stargleam," said a voice. Gleamgleam looked around. "Who's there?" she asked. It was...Fallen Leaves! _**(Okay, who's convinced by now that's she's just throwing in random characters to try and create fail drama? Sooner or later, she's going tomilk the love dodecahedron dry. Oh, wait. She already has! Seventeen chapters ago)**_


	23. The Portal

_**In response to guest reviewer 100 (YAY 100 REVIEWS!): Yes, I am Emeraldripple. And you are?**_

Chapter 21: The Portal

"Fallen Leaves, what are you doing here?" said Stargleam. "I'm here to deliver a prophecy," he said. "I already know about the prophecy," she said. "Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tigger and holly." "That's not the one I meant," said Fallen Leaves. "I mean….there are dark things in the forest." _**(Huh, it had nothing to do with religion)**_

"What?" said Stargleam. "You see, there are still cats who don't believe in Starclan." "WHAT?" SAID GLEAMSTAR. "AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR THEM, HOW COULD THEY?" "The Dork Forest is taking over their minds," said Fallen Leaves. "They're using Cloudtail and Mothwing to help them. So you must…start…a war…ON THE DARK FOREST! We've all been waiting for you Gleamstar." And then he left. _**(Never mind then. Should have known that DR wouldn't turn a blind eye to the atheists of the clans forever)**_

Stargleam didn't have any time to think, because someone called her name!

"Stargleam," called Spottedleaf. "It's time for you to be reincarnated." "YAY!" said Gleamstar. There was a portal. She looked at the portal. It was shining brightly. "Go in through there," said Blackstar. He looked sad that Stargleam couldn't be with him, but she knew he would be okay. She nuzzled him and he felt better. _**(Despite the fact that when he did that to her, she yelled at him for trying to "mole straep" her)**_

Then she wondered what would happen. "We don't know for sure," admitted Bluestar. "But it worked before, so it will work again." _**(What perfect logic there, Bluestar. That's like saying jumping from a plane without a parachute without dying worked once, so it'll obviously work again)**_

Stargleam was about to step into the portel when…ASHFUR appeared!

"NO!" HE SAID" I WANT HER FOR MYSELF!" "Quick, Stargleam, get in!" said Blackstar, gesturing towards the portal.

Just as she was about to jump in…Ashfur pressed against her! She was knocked forward into the swirling portal! _**(Ashfur, you idiot! You just guaranteed that she would be reincarnated!)**_

She looked back to see…ASHFUR had come BACK THROUGH TO!

_**How wonderful. Two of my least favorite characters both got the reincarnation treatment. And people always ask me why I think it was a mistake to reincarnate anyone.**_


	24. Next Chapter

_**Everytime you don't review a story, xdarkrosesx considers coming back on FF.**_

_**I**__**'m sick today. The 24-hour stomach bug is rampaging around my school like One Direction. XP So, since I have nothing better to do, here's a double update.**_

Chapter 22: Next Chapter_**(I have a bad feeling about this already)**_

O**kay, I'm back! I saw the good reviews some people gave me and I wanted to come back. Also, my friend Jazzpaw is helping with the chapters. She helped me with the first two, but after that, she didn't have internet. But she got it back now. :D _(Wait, people actually gave this GOOD reviews? I need to vomit again, and this time it isn't because of my stomach bug...)_**

Then Starkit woke up, and she was in the forest. _**(What a thrilling beginning)**_

"Mew," she said, because she couldn't talk since she was a kit.

"Hello, kitty," said her mother, and Starkit looked up.

Her mother...was Hollyleaf! **_(Three guesses who her father is, then...)_**

"!" said Starkit. She looked around to see where she was.

"We're in the Thunderclan camp," said Hollyleaf. "Oh look, here comes your father now!"

Into the nursery came...Tigerstar! _**(Who didn't see that coming? Nobody? Thought so)**_

Starkit knew there was something she should know about Tiggerstar, but she didn't know what.

"That's your daddy, Tiggerstar!" said Hollyleaf.

_I know that name,_thought Starkit, but she couldn't think about it because Hollyleaf said, "There are other kits out there, go play with them. I have to talk to Tigerstar in peace."

Starkit went out into the clearing, and the cats were standing over the body of Starstar. Starkit looked around to see who else was in the clearing. Then she saw Redpaw and Lakepool sitting on the side sadly with their tails twined. _**(Oh dear, here we go again)**_

"I thought Starstar told you to stop being plebian!" said Starkit, speaking her first words. **_(Despite the fact that she should know nothing about that)_**

"How would you know?" said Lakepaw, getting defensive. "You're just a kit!"

"You're right," said Starkit. "How do I know?"

"You're Hollyleaf's kid, right?" asked Redpaw. "I think Brook and Stormfur also had a kit. I think his name is Ashkit." _**(Isn't it convenient how they're all just magically named after their past counterparts?)**_

"You should go see him," said Jayfeather. Starkit knew there was something familiar about him too, but she couldn't remember what!

"Yes, I will, thanks," yelled Starkit, and she went back to the nursery. She saw Ashkit, but she didn't get to talk to him, because then there was a yell from above the camp. "HAHA LOL!" yelled a cat. Starkit looked up. On one side, she saw Yellowfang, Brambleclaw, Leafpool, Whitestorm, and Bluestar. On the other were Hollyleaf and Tigerstar!

"It's a war between Starclan and the Dark Forest!" said Lionblaze, and then...Starkit realized...her mom and dad...were EVIL! _**(Oh, just plain brilliant, Starkit. How did she just automatically assume that her parents were the evil ones? Maybe Starclan are the evil ones. Then again, DR just loves to kill continuity, seeing as every single character who died has come back to life with no explanation except for one)**_


	25. The

_**Everytime you don't review a story, xdarkrosesx considers coming back on FF.**_

Chapter 23: The _**(Such a gripping chapter title. I'm on the edge of my seat, here)**_

The Starclan warriors started attacking the camp! And…at the head of them...WAS FIRESTAR! _**(DR's really getting fond of these ellipses, isn't she?)**_

Yowls sounded all around Starkit. She ran around. She didn't know what to do! Then a warrior ran up, and she clawed him. Blood poured down his shoulder where she clawed him. He yelled and ran away. _**(Despite the fact that she's a two-week old kit)**_

_I can fight!_ thought Stargleam! She jumped at a cat who was running. He fell backwards. She was good at this! But how did she know how to fight? It was a mystery! _**(Again, she's two weeks old. Apparently, her super kawaii powers are at it again)**_

Then a warrior came up to her! He was very big, and Starpaw was afraid. She didn't know if she could fight a cat like him! He clawed her, and there was red stuff coming out of her area. "Ouch!" said Starkit. She was mad now! Anger burned in her chest. She ran at him. She clawed him really hard. He yowled in pain! Then she bit him on the throat. More blood came out. He choked, then died. _**(Once again, TWO WEEK OLD KIT!)**_

And then…she looked up, and there were Starclan warriors running into the camp! There was Crowfeather, his brother, Eaglewing **(AN: I didn't make him up, okay! Crowfeather really had a brother named Eaglewikit!),** Bluestar, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, Blackstar, and Whitestorm! _**(Eaglekit was mentioned once in Fire and Ice. It's largely assumed by the fandom that he died)**_

She watched while the cats fought! The Starclan cats drove back the Dark Forest ones. But there was noise from behind her. It was…TIGERSTAR!

"NOO!" he said. "I WON'T LET YOU WIN!" And he jumped at Bluestar! But she scratched him! And he died! _**(If only you all could see how many 1s and exclamation points I'm having to edit out right now)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SAID HOLLYLEAF, HER MOTHER. Gleamstar saw the sadness in her eyes. She ran from camp!

"Oh no, Starkit's hurt!" someone said. "Let's make her better." There were a lot of cats that were hurt, but everyone knew that Starkit was special, so they let her be treated first. _**(Oh dear Starclan, not this again)**_

When she was better, someone said, "Oh no, Starkit's parents are gone. Someone needs to be her parents." _**(This oughta be good)**_

"We'll do it," said a cat. Starkit looked around. It was...REDPAW AND LAKEPOOL! _**(Oh, this is gonna be fun)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Starkit! _**(I have a feeling we're either going to really enjoy or get really annoyed by these next few chapters...)**_


	26. LESBIANS

_**Hello, everybody! Don't worry, I'm not dead. I just had to catch up on my makeup work since I missed a whole week of school. Sadly, I have to put academics before reposts of hilarious badfics. But, enough about my life. You're not here for that, you're here for xdarkrosesx's "story".**_

Chapter 22: LESBIANS _**(I can already tell how this is gonna go down)**_

Starkit didn't know why she was so upset, but she knew that it was NOT A GOOD THING for there to be LESBIANS. _**(Yup, looks like another chapter of total homophobia)**_

"What's wrong, Stargleam?" asked Redpaw as she kissed Lakepaw ON THE LIPS! "You're just a kit, why do you not like that idea?"

"Because being lesbian is WRONG! Starkit yelled back. "It's against the Ten Commandments." _**(Which she knows about how?)**_

"How would you know of the ten commandments? " asked Lakepaw "You weren't here for that."

"I know," said Starkit, thinking. "But I somehow know about it." _**(Apparently, Thunderclan is made up entirely of idiots, as anyone with a half a brain could tell that this is Stargleam reborn at this point)**_

Lakepool shrugged. She didn't know how to respond. "Well, the ten commandments aren't real," she said. "So Redfur and I think it's okay." _**(Wrong move, Lakepaw. Cue the all caps rage)**_

"Come back to the nursery with us," said Redfur. "You're too young to be out of the nursery for long."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Starpaw. She refused to let herself be exposed to the LESBIANS! _**(Clearly, xdarkrosesx is from my school, where it is widely accepted that being gay is something that can be caught from physical contact. Heck, even some of the TEACHERS believe that. And my mom wonders why I want to be homeschooled)**_

She ran out into the forest. Asskit followed her. "What's wrong, Starstar?" he asked. "Why are you so upset?"

"I'm being raised by PLEBEIANS!" Starkit yelled back. "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?" _**(What's so bad about plebeians? They do make up the majority of Earth's population, after all. Like it or not, you'll probably be raised by "plebeians")**_

"Well, come over here," said Ashkit. "Maybe we can make them see the light." _**(Great, she's only two weeks old and she's already inducting members into her crazy cult of homophobic Catholic warriors)**_

"Giggle," said Starkit, but she went over to Ashfur.

But then a cat came through the trees! It was...Jazzsong!

"Jazzpaw, what are you doing here?" asked Starkit.

"It's Jazzstar. Didn't you hear I got made leader after Stargleam died? It was a sad death." _**(Everyone, **__**it's a miracle! xdarkrosesx has managed to stick to canon for one point in the story!)**_

"Who is Stargleam?" asked Stargleam. She knew the name sounded familiar, but she didn't know WHO IT WAS.

"It doesn't matter," said Jazzsong. "Let's go back to the camp."

"Yay," said Ashfur happily. They went back to the camp.

"Now, go see Redpaw and Lakepaw," said Jazzstar. "I know they're waiting for you."

"Fine, fine," said Starkit. "But I'm not going to like it!" _**(Huh, I was expecting more of a fight from the world's biggest homophobe)**_

SIX MOONS LATER

"Starkit, from this day forward, you will be KNOWN AS STARPAW!" said Jazzsong. The clan cheered happily.

"Your mentor will be Hawkfrost!" said Jazzsong.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" YELLED STARGLEAM! _**(Has it really gotten to the point where there's one big "NOOOOOO!" per chapter? Apparently so)**_


	27. Ashpaw's Question

Chapter 25: Ashpaw's Question

_NO, NOT HAWKFROST, _ THOUGHT STARGLEAM. SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHY, BUT SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM TO BE HER MENTOR. _**(To make the big letters go away, hit the pretty, shiny button that says "Caps Lock")**_

"Hi, Gleamkit," said Hawkfrost, walking over to her. He wrapped his tail around her shoulders. "Want to train with me tomorrow?" "Okay," said Starpaw.

She went to Ashkit. "Hi," she said. "Hi," he said. "Hi," she rippled. "Do you want to go hunting with me?" he said. "Okay," she said. _**(Such an intellectually stimulating conversation!)**_

She walked out of the forest with Ashfur. THEY went into the forest to hunt. He kept looking at Stargleam. She wondered why. Then he said, "Starpaw…I wanted to know…if you…would be my mate?" he said. _**(So the love dodecahedron continues. Joy)**_

"OH MY GOSH, YES, ASSFUR!" SAID STARPAW, because she didn't remember who he was. If she had remembered, she wouldn't have said YES. And then…from the bushes…CAME Hawkfrost.

"What are you innocent fools doing?" said Hawkfrost. "She's my mate now," said Ashpaw. "NO WAY!" said Hawkfrost. "I want her to be my mate!" And then they FOUGHT! There was lots of blood. Stargleam cried! It was so scary! "Stop!" she said, but even she couldn't make them listen. _**(Who else is starting to feel that xdarkrosex is now just borrowing from earlier material? I believe Starpaw was caught in this exact same situation in Chapter 6)**_

And then, suddenly…THEY WERE KISSING! "NOOO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" SAID GLEAMSTARKIT. THEY WERE BEING GAY! And she ran in the forest! _**(Oh goodie, another "beng gay iz RONG!" chapters can only follow this. Everyone break out your migraine meds)**_

**Jesus doesn't like people who flame! **_**(Well, that's a shame, because I would very much like to flame this whole story)**_


	28. A NEW CLAN?

_**Here we go, undoubtedly another chapter dedicated to nothing other than reminding us all that it's wrong to be gay. Joy.**_

Chapter 27: A NEW CLAN?

Starkit ran and ran and ran until she got back to the camp. Redfur was there waiting for her!

"OH MY GOSH, NO!" yelled Starpaw. "I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!" She ran into the apprentices' den. "I CAN'T LET MYSELF BE SEEN WITH A LESBIAN!" _**(Yeah, that's being really grateful, seeing as she raised you as her own)**_

"And why not?" asked Redpaw, marching over to Stargleam. "I mean, we've been raising you for moons now!"

"I KNOW!" cried Starkit. "But I just saw Hawkfrost and Ashfur...and they were...KISSING!" She was repulsed as she said that. She couldn't stand the idea of HAWKFROST KISSING A GUY! _**(Then maybe you should stop making everyone in your fanfic gay)**_

"Well, that's perfectly fine, isn't it?" asked Lakepool, coming into the den. "I mean, we're gay, and there's nothing wrong with that!" _**(Wrong move, Lakepool. Cue the all-caps rage)**_

"YES THERE IS!" yelled Starpaw. In anger, she RAN FROM THE DEN AND BACK OUT INTO THE FOREST.

BUT THEN SHE RAN INTO HAWKFROST AND ASHKIT AGAIN!"

"YOU! CAN'T! BE! GAY!" she told them. **(AN: I NEEDED EXTRA EMPHASIS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO WRITE IT!)** But they DIDN'T MOVE! THEY JUST CONTINUED TO MAKE OUT! _**(Again, if you don't want to write same-sex kisses, than don't put them in your freaking fanfic!)**_

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE?" she asked quietly. "I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT ACCEPTED IN THIS CLAN OF MINE!" _**(Even though you're not the leader of Thunderclan)**_

"IT'S NOT YOUR CLAN!" HAWKFROST YELLED. "IT'S EVERYBODY'S CLAN!"

"YEAH? WELL YOU'RE GAY!" SAID STARKIT. _**(Such an amazing comeback)**_

"FINE!" said Hawkfrost, and he left with Ashfur! "WE'LL GO BE ROUGES."

"GET OUT OF MY CLAN!"

So they left. Then Starkit realized...SHE HAD JUST BANISHED HER MENTOR.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**Hitler would be proud of this fanfic.**_


	29. The Memories

_**Hello, everyone. This may be my last chapter for a couple of weeks, as I have been grounded. Even now, I'm risking a lot to even post this. Please understand, there's nothing I can do until I get my U.S History grade back up to at least a B-.**_

Chapter 27: The Memories

**Stop flaming! What's wrong with you? Don't you know a good story when you see one? :((( **_**(Yes, I do. This isn't one. But it does make us feel better about our own writing skills)**_

Starpaw wandered through the forest angrily. She was angry. She looked around and saw Flamepelt! "Flamepelt, help me!" she said. "You're a good, straight cat, aren't you?' "I don't know, do what your heart says." She looked over to her mate, Nightrain. His blue eyes sparkled and shined like her weird eyes. There was one blue and one green. She was straight, not like Lakepaw. "But does it really matter? I mean, I'm bi, so it really doesn't. By the way, I heard that they're making Satanclan." _**(Oh, God. I know what's coming next)**_

"What? NoooOOOOOOOOOOO!" said STarkit and Nightstorm at the same time. "NO, YOU CAN'T BE BI FLAMEPELT! NOOOOOO, IT'S AGANST THE COMMANDMENTS!" Nightrain looked aghast! _**(But the Commandments only said no being gay! They never said no being bi!)**_

"So, who cares?" said Flamepaw defensively. "We do," said Nigthrain and Gleampaw. "Why?" she said. "Because it's bad," they said. _**(You know, she keeps saying that being gay is bad, but she never says what will happen if you are. Makes you wonder if she really knows what she's talking about)**_

"Well, whatever. I'm going to go join Satanclan, because I'm evil now. Bye," said Flamepelt, and she was gone.

"?" said Starpaw beautifully. _**(How can you beautifully say a question mark? Just out of curiosity)**_

"I DON'T KNOW!" said Rainsplash. And he ran off. _**(Okay, even I don't know how she could have possibly turned Nightrain into Rainsplash. Oh well, we're just along for the ride)**_

Starpaw was so sad that tears started to roll down her face. _Why must my family be so gay?_ she wondered. She walked and walked until she was at the clearing. _This is where we met,_ she thought sadly, thinking of Hawkfrost.

And...then she looked at the tree! It was the same tree Hawkfrost had put his head into looking for her! AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN, SHE REMEMBERED! Everything about Hawkfrost, Firestar, all the toms who loved her, the prophecy, and the forest! _**(And all it took was a tree that she had probably already seen thirty times? Oh well. It made sense in xdarkrosesx Land)**_

"!" said Stargleam.

_**Well, that wraps up my involvement for a couple of weeks. Please don't think I've given up on you all, SPR will only be on hiatus until I'm back from my grounding. xdarkrosesx will not win a second time!**_


	30. Shrieking

_**Alright, I'm back for now. I have computer access today, but my laptop is fried, so don't expect regular updates until now. Sorry for all the delays! Anyways, get excited. This is when it gets good.**_

Chapter 28: Shrieking

**Okay guys, I know it's been a while since my last chapter, but know that I have something to say on the subject! A few weeks ago, Jazzy introduced me to something called SLASH. At first, I didn't like it too much, but then, since it started exciting me, and since I've hit puberty, I finally admitted to myself that I was...a LESBIAN! I mean, I didn't want to admit it first, but then I realized that it's not good to hide my feelings. I mean, I know I used to be a homophobe, but even though I'm not happy about having to know this, I know it's for the better. I was away for so long because I had to realize that, and I was also posting on the OFFICIAL FORUM. But everyone there is a satanist! So I left. And BTW, I can't believe those stupid jerks at FanFiction deleted my story! :( They're so mean! I mean, what did I do to deserve this? But anyway here's the chapter.** _**(Hate to break it to you, Sweetie, but we really don't care about your personal life. Although this is an interesting development. Hey, the forums aren't that bad! Sure, we've got glitchy software, rabid fans, fail trolls, flame wars, newbies who talk like xdarkrosesx, bad RPing...we're not THAT bad!)**_

Now that she remembered, Starpaw ran back to the camp with a new goal. She wanted to tell everybody who she REALLY WAS. She got back there and passed Redpaw and Lakepool on their way out.

"Where are you going?" Starpaw questioned them.

"We're going to Satanclan" replied Redpaw. _**(Here we go...)**_

"But why?" asked Starpaw. "Being gay isn't a sin anymore!" she wailed after them. _**(Great, now her word even overrides Starclan's)**_

"It isn't?" said Lakepaw. "But you said it was!" _**(And why does everyone care so much what she says? Are they all just her little mind slaves? On second thought, don't answer that)**_

"I know," said Starpaw. "But I've found out abut SLASH. In fact, I've realized that I LOVE JAZZPAW." _**(Well, this is just getting more interesting by the minute)**_

"Oh my gosh, really?" asked Redfur, because she couldn't believe it. "But we're still going to Satanclan, because we're also ATHEISTS." _**(Now, I'm not going to pretend to be some religious know-it-all like this girl, but I'm fairly sure if you're an atheist, you don't acknowledge Satan or the devil either)**_

"NO," Starpaw muttered. "You can't go! Satanclan is not the place for you. I should probably go and call Hawkfrost and Ashkit back, because they can be good now! Oh, and Flamepelt can come back too."

"Well, go tell them," said Redfur, and she left with Lakepaw. The Stargleam went back to camp. When she got there, she jumped onto the Highledge.

"ATTENTION ALL CATS OF THUNDERCLAN!" SHE YELled. "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT."

The cats gathered beneath her. "What is it, Starpaw?" they asked. _**(Once again, nobody is questioning the seven-month old kit violating clan customs)**_

"I HAVE A CONFESSION!" SHE YELLED "I...AM...STARSTAR!" _**(Who? I though her name was Gleamstar!111!)**_


	31. The Reveal!

**Chapter 30: The Reveal!**

**OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS HAS ONLY BEEN UP FOR A DAY AND YOU'RE ALREADY FLAMING! :( STOP! JESUS MIGHT LIKE GAY PEOPLE NOW, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE LIKES FLAMERS! _(Isn't it handy that whoever Jesus likes changes based on xdarkrosesx's preferences?)_**

"Are you?" said Brakenfur.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE BELIEVE ME?" said Stargleam, and she ran out of the camp. **_(It couldn't be because it's a seven month old kit telling them this. No, we can rule that out right now)_**

She was angry!

HOW could Brackenfur not believe her? And after everything she had done as an amazing kit! She went to Satanclan. It was in a clearing just past the Thunderclan border. She saw all the cats who were in Satanclan, and there were…CLOUDTAIL AND MOTHWING! **_(That's right, the alleged "athletes" of the clans)_**

"Lakepaw and Redfur, did you tell Flamepelt and Nightrain that they could come back now?" said Stargleam.

"No, we're all still atheists." Stargleam was about to go home when she realized something. There were cats creeping towards her!

"What are you doing?" she said. Satanclaw walked up to her. He was wearing purple nail polish, and there was a black stripe on his head. "We can't let you leave, Stargleam," he said. "You know too much." **_(Even though Satanclan has already been mentioned about ten times before now)_**

Hollyleaf jumped out from the shadows and turned into a BOBCAT!

Bobcat Hollyleaf ran at Stargleam! She hit Stargleam! Satanclaw came up to her and he started to claw her. **_(Yet another totally onesided battle that plays out nothing like a real fight in Warriors would)_**

But when they clawed her stomach, something inside of Stargleam hurt! IT WAS A KIT! STARGLEAM COULD FEEL HER KIT'S PAIN! **_(Or maybe she's just feeling the pain that would likely come from a gaping stomach wound. But this is Stargleam we're talking about. For all we know, the author decided to give her Yellowfang's power on top of everything else)_**

She was...PREGNANT. **_(No. We couldn't figure that out on our own)_**

"IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" SAID STARGLEAM.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: OH MY GOSH, JAZZY POSTED THIS CHAPTER WITHOUT ME SAYING SHE COULD. I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GET TO EDIT IT MORE! I DIDN'T KNOW JAZZY COULD USE MY ACCOUNT! _(And I bet it only took her about five minutes to figure out DR's password)_**


	32. KITS

**I'm**_** baaaaaack! My laptop finally got fixed, so expect your regular doses of SP from here on out!**_

Chapter 31: KITS

** This chapter made Jazzy really upset. She said she wouldn't edit the chapters anymore. I think she doesn't like me anymore .I'M SORRY JAZZ I LOVE YOU! ****_(Well, isn't this interesting? Whatever's in this chapter must be bad...)_**

Stargleam ran back to the Thunderclan camp and skidded into the medicine cat's den.

"JAYFEATHER!" SHE YELLED. "I THINK I'M PREGNANT!1!1!1!" _**(Caps Lock abuse two paragraphs in. This must be bad)**_

"What makes you say that?" said Jayfeather. He came out of the medicine cat's den.

"I FELT MY KITS!" SAID STARGLEAM. _**(So she's telepathic now? How many super kawaii powers is that now?)**_

"Okay, lie down here." And so Stargleam did, and Jayfeather felt her stomach. "OH!" she yelled as he poked a kit. _**(I'm pretty sure that she shouldn't be that sensitive so early in)**_

"Those are definitely kits," he said. "They look like they're going to be coming in a few days!" _**(Then how exactly did she not notice them until now?)**_

"OH MY GOSH, A FEW DAYS?" SAID STARGLEAM. "HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?" SHE SAID. _**(My thoughts exactly)**_

"If I can ask, who's the father?" said Jayfeather. _**(Hawkfrost, obviously. But they aren't married yet...oh, God)**_

"Ummm," said Stargleam, shitting her paws. "How do I say this? It was...Jazzsong." _**(*Spits out tortilla chips*)**_

"WHAT?" Jazzsong said, coming up to her. "HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? I'M A GIRL!" _**(Oh, how brilliant of you to notice)**_

"I know," said Stargleam. "But I LOVE YOU."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1!1111!111!11!1!1!1" said Jazzstar.

_**Oh my. That was just...no words. I have no words. I'm going to go watch Invader Zim and cry while eating a gallon of ice cream now...)**_


	33. The Visit

**Chapter 33: The Visit**

Starpaw ran away. She saw that tears were streaming down her neck. WHY WAS LIFE HERE SO BAD?1!1?111/?12 Everyone hated her! All her family and friends were DEAD!1!1 She had gone through so much and now not even JAZZPAW, her BEST FRIEND, would help her!11? _**(I might feel some more sympathy for her if she hadn't been beating me over the head with her crazy made-up religion for 30 chapters)**_

She felt her kits move inside her. She already loved them so much. But it was hard because she loved Jazzstar! Her life was so TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW. Suddenly, a Starclan cat came down from the sky. It was... SILVERSTREAM!1 "Don't worry, Gleamstar," Silverstream said! "It will all be okay in the end. Believe in yourself."

"I don't know how it can be," she said. "It will," explained Silverstream.

"I HAVE KITS, SILVERSTREAM! KITS!11!1" SPARKLED STARGLEAM. _**(How do you sparkle? Then again, this fanfic is long past the point of making sense)**_

"I know," said Silverstream. "But I've been in your place before. I've known what it feels like." She licked Starkit's forehead. Then she left. _**(Such wonderful description!)**_

Starkit sniffed. She had to get better. For her KIIS. SHE STARTED walking away into the forest.

**I DON'T KNOW IF I"LL BE ABLE TO UPDATE MUCH RIGHT NOW! I'M SO SADDDDDDDDDDDD T-T ****_(Forgive us for not immediately jumping to sympathize with you)_**


	34. THE BATTLE

Chapter 24: THE BATTLE

Stargleam was too upset. She was angry and confused. "Starclan, WHYYYYYYYYYY?11/1/1/11/1!1" she yelled angrily. _**(Well, someone has a bad case of the angsty blues)**_

"Starcaln can't help, you know!" said an evil voice. "There's nothing they can do for you!"

"WHAT? WHO SAID THAT?" SHE ASKED IN FEAR.

It is I, Hollyleaf!" said the voice again. Then Hollyleaf burst out. The whole of Shadowclan was with her and...THE DARK FOREST! _**(Recycled plot alert! Recycled plot alert!)**_

"OH NOOOOOO!" YELLED STARGLEAM. "STARCLAN, HELP ME!"

And then...the warriors of Starclan came down the sky1 They joined Stargleam and told her, "We will fight with you, Starpaw, because you saved us once." **_(Wait...when did that happen? Did I miss a_****_chapter?_****)**

"Kawaii," said Stargleam, and they started fighting the cats. _**(And so the gratuitous Japanese has returned)**_

Starstar had Hollyleaf pinned down when suddenly... SHE FELT SOMETHING MOVE INSIDE HER! _**(Oh boy)**_

"MY KITS ARE COMING!1!1111!1!11!1" she yowled.  
_**  
What? It's just going to end there? But this is going to be hilarious!**_


	35. The Birth

Chapter Thirty Two: The Birth

Hollyleaf was RUNNING TOWARD HER. But a Starclan cat named Bubblefur jumped in front of her, screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." He jumped in front of her, screaming, and Hollyleaf hit him instead!1!1! He died. _**(More horrible description and Caps Lock abuse? Check)**_

StarGlean would have been really upset, but her kits were coming. She almost screamed out in pain, but she was a strong, brave cat, so she didn't. It hurt a lot. There was a lot of piano in her stomach. AND SUDDENLY THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE111!1! SHE LOOKED DOWN AND THERE was a BREAK in her stomach. Hollyleaf was finished with Bubblefur, so she was coming towards her again. _**(The obvious lack of knowledge about how childbirth works...IT BURNS!)**_

"NOOOOOOOOO!" STARGLEAM WAILED. But just as Hollyleaf was about to hit her…IT WAS BLUESTAR! Stargleam watchd in ANGER as Bluestar knocked Hollyleaf over and put her claws in her throat. She made Hollyleaf unconscious. But before Hollyleaf went black, she scratched Bluestar! There was red blood coming from her chest!111 _**(One scratch on your chest shouldn't bleed like an amputation wound)**_

"I love you, Jazzpaw. I always have," said Bluestar when she died. "BLUESTAR, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," said Gleamstar!

She was sad. And the pain from birth was going to be so HARD!11! But looking at Bluestar's body filled her with HOPE. So she pushed.

AND THE KITS CAME OUT!111!1! _**(No! Don't end there! I want to see the little biologically-impossible Mary-Sue offspring!)**_

**You flamers should stop being so mean!1111!11! :(((((((((( Don't you know how sad I am right now? I am going through a really tough time, and if i wasn't a Christian, I would be so mad at you right now11111!1111!111! ****_(She even tries to rub her religion in our face while guilt-tripping us. I wonder if her parents ever saw this story)_**


	36. New Lives

**Okay, I have final exams all next week, so SPR will be postponed until then. After the 22nd, it'll be summer break and the end of all this scheduling madness!**

Chapter 33: New Lives

**OH MY GOSH, I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T UDPATE FOR SO LONG! I was really busy! I was trying to write a story for NaNoWriMo. I got to ten thousand words!11! Also, I turned 12 on the eleventh! :DDDDDD But anyway, here is the new chapter, I should be updating like I used to now.**

Chapter 33: New Lives

There were three kits there. One of them was really fluffy and gold-colored. One was bright orange. The third looked like a tiger. Even though she was in AGONYYYYYYYYY, Stargleam smiled as she licked her kittens. _**(AGONYYYYYYYYY? This isn't Into The Woods)**_

"What are you going to call them?" asked Jazzsong. "It's not my choice, remember. I mean, you're the one who had the kits!" _**(whatever that was, it was most certainly not an accurate portrayal of childbirth)**_

"Hmmm," thought Stargleam for a minute before she said, "I think the gold one will be Fluffykit, the orange one will be Firekit, and the tiger-striped one will be Tigerkit." **_(Why exactly would she name one of them after her archenemy?)_**

"GASP!" GASPED THE ENTIRE CLAN. "HOW CAN YOU NAME HIM TIGERKIT? DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?" YELLED BRAMBLECLAW. "HE NEARLY KILLED ME!"

"Yes, I know, but have you forgotten that he's also my dad?" said Stargleam. "Besides, I like the name."

"Okay, I guess." Brambleclaw walked away, but he was really upset. Stargleam wished he wasn't so sensitive. _**(He has every right to be overly sensitive. Probably one of the only times in this whole story a character has actually retained part of their canon personality)**_

"I like the names," said Jazzstar, licking Stargleam on the head. "They're beautiful kits."

"I know," giggled Stargleam. "And we'll love them for ever and ever." _**(Was anyone else reminded of The Shining from that line?)**_


	37. TIGERSTAR'S ATTACK

_**School is finally out for me! So from here on out, we'll be getting our regular doses of SPR!**_

Chapter 34: TIGERSTAR'S ATTACK

BUT THE BATTLE WASN'T OVER YET!1!

All of a sudden, TIGERSTAR came running towards her!11 "NOOOOO" he yowled. "I CAN TELL THAT TIGERKIT WILL BE GOOD! I don't want a good cat named after me," he said. SO HE JUMPED AT STARGLEAM!111 _**(Was she made a warrior off-screen or something? Because I don't remember a warrior ceremony)**_

"NOOOOOO," screamed Whitestorm as he jumped in front of her. "You can't hurt her! Can't you see she has KITS?" Tigerstar laughed. "I don't care, I'm evil!" And he attacked Fluffykit!1!1 _**(Well, so much for evil having standards)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Gleamstar. She tried to get to Fluffykit, but he was to quick. Tigerstar scratched his nose!1! But Fluffykit was a good fighter, like his mom. So he jumped at Tigerstar1!1! And so did Firekit and Tigerkit!1 They were all battling together!1!1 **_(They are two. Flipping. Minutes. Old)_**

""Look at that, it's amazing," said someone. "They're fighting together!" All the clan watched in awe. _**(So nobody's even trying to help them? Nice)**_

"YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED ME THIS TIME, STARKIT!" SAID TIGERSTAR. "BUT YOU'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!" He ran away with the Dark Forest.

Stargleam pushed her nose into Jazzstar. They had won! She was so happy. But then… from the darkness… came... … … … ASHKIT! _**(I can see where this is going)**_


	38. Back To The Clan

Chapter 34: Back To The Clan _**(Wait, when did they leave the clan?)**_

"Ashkit, what are you doing here?" asked Gleamstar. She didn't see any reason for him to be their right now, but she couldn't help but feel scarred. _**(Well, aren't we getting dangerously genre savvy?)**_

"I'm taking a kit," said Ashfur, and he grabbed Tigerkit and walked away. "You rejected me, so now I'm going to get my revenge on you by RAISING YOUR KIT TO BE EVIL!1!1!111" _**(Oh, I see! Ashkit represents the Winter Soldier, Tigerkit represents Daken, and this whole story is DR's expression of her frustration with all of the horrible crossover fics that Marvel fans write because she's secretly a huge comic fan! No? Shoot) **_

"GASP! NO!" YELLED THE CLAN. THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT ASHFUR WOULD DO SUCH A THING. **_(I love how everybody in Thunderclan minus Stargleam and her kits is totally useless)_**

"Not if I can help it!" roared Fluffykit, and he flew toward Ashfur with his claws unsheathed. "YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY BROTHER ALIVE!" _**(So he talks too? He's like those annoying talking dolls that can only say, "Feed me, Mommy!")**_

All the cats in Thunderclan, including Stargleam and Jazzfur, watched in amazement as the little fluffy kit began to attack Ashfur. "NOT MY BROTHER!" FLUFFYKIT YELLED AS HE ATTACKED ASHFUR WITH HIS CLAWS, MAKING THE CAT BLEED. But even though he was hurt, Ashfur still managed to drag Tigerkit off, even though Tigerkit was protesting. Fluffykit fell down and started to cry. _**(Am I supposed to feel sad? Because I'm too busy laughing my head off)**_

"It's okay," said Stargleam and Jazzsong as they came to comfort the kit. "I'm sure he will get back to us eventually. I mean, he's your brother, and if he's anything like you, then he's a VERY GOOD FIGHTER."

But Fluffykit wailed loudly anyway. His wail was so loud that it almost sounded like a trumpet. It was so loud that a bunch of cats ran to see what was going on. _**(Everywhere I've been this weekend, I've been surrounded by screaming, annoying children. I can't even escape them now)**_

And among them...was FIRESTAR!1!1!1111!11 _**(Please stop bringing this plotline back)**_


	39. TIGERKIT

**CHAPTER 40: TIGERKIT**

**Oh my gosh, I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR SO LONG!11! :( School was really hard since I got back. They gave us a lot of homework and I was having trouble with some of my friends because I am a lesbian now and they don't understand. **

**I can't believe you flamers are still flaming!1 WHY ARE YOU SUCH MEAN PEOPLE? WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM!11!1! I'm not sorry I called you Satanists, you ARE, otherwise you would be nice!11!1! ****_(Well, there goes that small shred of sympathy I was beginning to have for her)_**

**But anyway, I'm back, and here's the chapter. I worked really hard on it this time!1!**

"FIRESTAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" asked Stargleam. "I thought you were the leader of Shadowclan now!" "Yes, I was, but I realized that I still love you, Gleampool," he said. "I heard you and Tigerstar fighting, and so I came to help." "Well, you're too late," said Gleamstar. "Tiggerstar took Tigerstar!11111! " _**(I love how nobody cares that Shadowclan is now leaderless)**_

'I can help," said Firestar. "REALLY?" said Stargleam. "Really. I know where his hideout is." "Oh my gosh, really?" said Stargleam. "Yes, when I went away, I was leader of Shadowclan, so for a while, I was like Tigerstar. So I know where he lives." _**(Not even going to try figuring out that logic)**_

"LET'S GO THEN!1" YOWLED STARGLEAM, RUNNING TOWARDS TIGERSTAR. They ran for a long time, but Gleampaw was so full of adrenaline, she didn't care. But lots of the other cats were tired by the time they got there. Tigerstar's hideout was a hole near the lake. "Okay. Ready. ATTACK!1111" MEOWED STARGLEAM, AND THE CATS RAN INTO THE HOLE.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SAID TIGERSTAR WHEN HE SAW THEM. He was really bloody, because Tigerkit had been fighting him. He was too tired. Stargleam raked her claws down his neck, her eyes robbling!11 _She's so beautiful in battle,_ thought Hawkfrost. Her blue fur shone in the moonlight!1 Her eyes burned with ANGER. She was one of the bravest cats they had ever seen. _**(How do eyes "robble"? Could somebody please explain that to me?)**_

Gleamstar clawed Tigerstar viciously!1111111! Blood went everywhere!1!1 It flew through the air like a dove!111 Tigerstar ran away in pain!111 "You beat me, but it's too late !1" he laughed. Then he left. _**(So blood flies through the air like a dove? Interesting comparison)**_

"What did he mean by that?" Starpaw wondered. Then she looked at Tigerpaw. "Are you okay?" she said.

"OF course I'm okay, I'M EVIL NOW!1!1111!" he said. _**(Oh God, she's using this plot now)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" WAILED STARGLEAM.

**DON'T FLAME ME THIS TIME! ! I MEAN IT!111!**


	40. STARGLEAM'S NEW THOUGHT

_**Hello, everyone! Before we begin, there's something I want to address. I've been getting a lot of requests to edit/commentate the fanfic Hope Of A Clan. Well, I won't. Why? Because it's so painfully obvious that the author is just trolling to try to get some of the same attention that Starkit's Prophecy got. Honestly, these two fics are so similar that I'm amazed more people haven't figured it out. Please check to see if you can spot similarities before submitting a fic, because if you can, the author is probably trolling.**_

Chapter 42: STARGLEAM'S NEW THOUGHT

**Hi guys, I'm back! For a while, I was really depressed, because I found a lot of fanfics on this site that I THINK ARE MOCKING MY STORY. I mean, really, there's a story about a cat named Lovelykit and one about Sparklekit. What is that about?/?/ I think they're mocking me! If you're reading this and you wrote one of those bad stories, know that I think your stories are TROLLFICS. ****_(The irony in this is that her readers taught her that term)_**

**But anyway, here is the chapter.**

"What will you do now?" Tigerpaw asked Stargleam. "One of your beloved kits is now aligned with the evil cats!1"

"You can't do that!" Fluffykit yelled. "Don't you know how much our mom put into having us? ARE YOU REALLY SO UNGRATEFUL?" _**(I love how they can already talk better than most warriors an hour after birth)**_

"Do you think I care? Tigerstar is better than all of you dumb boulders. That's why I'm going to go live with him, and I'll marry his daughter...Rainstar!" _**(I don't know what's happening anymore)**_

Stargleam gasped. "You're ripping me apart, Tigerkit!" But she couldn't do anything, because then Tigerkit ran off after Tigerstar.

Jazzsong came up and brushed against Gleamstar. "What are you going to do, love?" she asked quietly.

Gleamkit hissed. "I'm going after them," she growled. "Tigerkit is my son, and I love him. I have to go with him. I'm sorry."

Jazzsong was sad, but she knew it was for the best. "Go then, Stargleam," she said. "I'll wait for you forever." _**(There goes one more awesome line from Warriors that I can never read again)**_

Stargleam nodded and ran out after them. When she got there, she found Tigerkit making out with a brown cat, and she guessed it was Rainstar."What are you doing, making out with this cat?" she yelled angrily. _**(So the one hour old kit already has a girlfriend? He takes after his mother)**_

"Mother, what are you dong here!" Tigerkit shouted. "Why did you follow me?" Gleamstar said, "Because I wouldn't let my kit go off alone when I wasn't with him."

"Awwwwwww," said Rainstar sarcastically. "That's sweet, but you're not one of us, so we have to kill you. UNLEASH THE MONGOOSE!1" _**(How about a mongoose dog?)**_

Suddenly, there was a mongoose!1 It was really HOLLYLEAF. Stargleam dodged to one side. "No, wait!" she yelled. "I want to talk about this! I want to be one of you guys with Tigerkit!"

"Nice try, Gleamstar, but we can see RIGHT THROUGH YOUR LIES!" SAID RAINSTAR. "NOW, KILL THE INFIELD!" THEN THE MONGOOSE ATTACKED! **_(Kill the infield? When did this become baseball?)_**

BUT SUDDENLY, BEFORE IT COULD SCRATCH HER, THERE WAS JAZZSONG AND FLUFFYKIT AND EVERYONE!1

They all ran at the Hollyleaf mongoose! It ran away, and Stargleam was happy. But Rainstar hissed, "We can't trust you if your friends keep coming to save you!" She turned. "Now, leave before we call in Featherpaw."

"Featherpaw?" gasped Fluffykit. "He is my boyfriend!" _**(They both take after their mother!)**_

"Your boyfriend?" Rainstar snorted. "But I'm straight."

"So?" said Fluffykit. "Don't be such a homophobe." _**(Oh great, this is going to turn into another "Gays VS Homophobes" plot)**_

"I'm not, but I'm straight," said Rainstar.

"But that's not the point," said a voice. It was...Tigerstar!

"Stargleam, what are you doing here" asked Tigerstar. "Do you want to die?"

"No," said Stargleam. "I want to join your group, because...I'M EVIL!11!1!1!1!" _**(Oh, so this is the plotline we're using now)**_

"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~" SAID JAZZSONG. _**(How do you say that? Could someone please demonstrate?)**_


	41. THE PLAN FOR THE BATTLE

_**We're getting into the last couple of chapters. I want to thank everyone who stuck through this insanity with me, and ask that you laugh even more at the madness these last chapters will bring.**_

CHAPTER 43: THE PLAN FOR THE BATTLE

"WHAT? NO, STARGLEAM!" said Jazzsong, her blue eyes wide with sadness. 'You can't do this, you're my mate1!"

"I have to," Stargleam said in anguish. "It's my destiny, I know that now." "This is awesome, mom!11" said Tigerkit. "Now we're on the same side!" _**(Wait, when did destiny say that Stargleam had to be evil? If I were destiny, I would be telling her to restore canon from whateer she did to it and vanish from existence)**_

"I don't know," said Rainstar. "Are we sure she's not a spy?" "Don't worry," Lakepool said. She had joined Satanclan too. "It's all for the best." "NOOOOOOOOOO!" Fluffykit yowled. He was really upset, because he loved his mom. But now she was EVIL! He ran away into the forest. _**(Where he was promptly eaten alive by a fox)**_

Starkit almost yowled, "NO! WAIT, FLUFFYSTAR!" but then she remembered that she was evil now, so she just looked away. Inside, she felt sad. Was she really supposed to fulfill the prophecy by fighting for the Dark Forest!? Maybe she had been the wrong one all along. _**(So she's finally admitted it two chapters before everything ends)**_

She walked away into the forest with Tigerkit, Rainstar, and Lakepool. How could Starclan have betrayed her? It made her so FURIOUS1! By the time they got to Tigerstar, she was ready to fight against them!111!1111!11! _**(And yet Stargleam was the one who chose to be evil. Wait, when did Starclan betray her?)**_

"Okay, Dark Forest cats," announced Tigergleam, standing on the stump. Gleamstar looked around and saw that lots of cats had gathered around the stump. "Tomorrow, we're going to attack…THUNDERCLAN!111!"

All of the cats SCREAMED in approval. Stargleam did too, but inside, she was CRYING. _Oh no, she thought. What will I do? I've got friends in Thunderclan!_ But she had to do it for Tigerkit. He looked so happy here, happier than he had ever been in the forest! _**(So on top of everything else, Stargleam is a horrible parent)**_

"And...STARGLEAM WILL SHOW US THE WAY!111!11!111" said Tigerstar. "She will be the first one there, so she can show how loyal she is to the Dark Forest." _**(I love how they immediately trust her after two minutes)**_

_NOOOOOOO!_ thought Gleamstar. But she said, "Okay, Tigerstar, I will.''

THE BATTLE FOR THE FOREST HAD BEGUN!11

_**(But not before Stargleam has a Heel Realization and saves the world, revealing herself to be Jesus in cat form. Come on, we can all see where this is going)**_


	42. A SURPRISE

_**Sorry about the random updates, I've been getting dragged all over the state of California. Since I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow, I'll give you guys this to keep you sated.**_

Chapter 44: A SURPRISE

Stargleam ran through the forest. Her paws skimmed the ground like she was flying. All of Tigerstar's cats ran behind her.

"Faster, Gleamstar!" Tigerstar hissed. "We need to get there before the sun goes down." _**(But isn't the Dark Forest more powerful at night? And why is Gleamstar leading them? Isn't that Tigerstar's job?)**_

"Why?" asked Gleamstar. She was confused. Why would they need to run so fast? "Because we will have to spend the night if we don't," said Tigerstar. "And we wouldn't want that to happen." _**(Oh look, more blatant disregard of canon establishments)**_

Stargleam nodded. She ran faster. Then...THEY WERE AT THE THUNDERCLAN CAMP!

"NOOO!" YELLED JAZZSONG, WHO WAS GUARDING THE ENTRANCE. "QUICK, EVERYONE, GET OUT HERE AND HELP ME FIGHT!" _**(What do you know, Thunderclan is capable of doing something without Stargleam's guidance)**_

All of Thunderclan came out for the battle! There was Jazzsong and Redpelt and Lionblaze and Jayfeather and Dawnsparkle and Graystripe and everyone! But Satanclan was bigger. they had Tigerstar and Rainstar and Featherpaw and Lakepool and Tigerkit and most important, GLEAMSTAR! _**(I don't think she knows what a comma is. Also, I don't think she can do math, either. Thunderclan clearly outnumbers Satanclan. Then again, whoever has Stargleam on their side has the strength of ten thousand men, so...)**_

And so they attacked the camp! It was a really long battle, but Starpaw wasn't getting hurt, because she was STARGLEAM. But suddenly... _**(Because we totally needed more reinforcement of how special Stargleam is)**_

THE TRIBE OF RUSHING WATER!

"Oh! She Who Runs With Leaves!" Rainstar and Lakepolo gasped. They both recognized the she-cat at the head of the group. She was one of their friends. "Help us fight!" they begged her. _**(And apparently, she doesn't understand Tribe names)**_

AND SO THE ENTIRE TRIBE JOINED THE BATTLE!

_**Gotta love how she isn't actually describing said battle. Maybe she learned from Stargleam's "birth" sequence that she's horrible at writing fight scenes.**_


	43. The Death And Betrayal!

Chapter 45: The Death and Betrayal! _**(I'm sure we can all guess what the betrayal will be. Ditto for the death, though)**_

Stargleam fought beside She Who Runs With Leaves. They were outnumbering the Thunderclan cats. Stargleam clawed a cat, and blood spiked the air. She said, "Take that, Thunderclan traitors!" But inside, she was thinking,_ I can't do this! __**(Here comes the Heel Face Turn)**_

And then...FIRESTAR WAS BEING ATTACKED BY TIGERSTAR!

_NOOOOOOO, NOT FIRESTAR!_ thought Gleamstar. She wanted to help her leader. But Tigerkit was on her side, and she had to fight for him. _**(What happened to her third kit? That's what I want to know)**_

But then, someone was saving Firestar! It was...FLUFFYKIT! "I'LL HELP YOU!" HE SAID, SHOOTING IN FRONT OF TIGGERSTAR'S CLAWS.

"No, Fluffykit, don't! You're too young!" said Firestar, but it was too late. Fluffykit took the blow for him, and there was blood! _**(What happened to him being stronger than Tigerstar? Then again, we all know that the Rule of Drama is the only reason anything happens in this story)**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Stargleam. She couldn't take it anymore! She leaped at Tigerstar and knocked him off her kit. She started to lick Fluffykit, but Tigerkit attacked him. Then he turned and said, "Mom, you're evil, remember?" But tears were running down her cheeks, and she said, "No. Tigerkit, I'm not! You see, there is this prophecy Starclan gave me. It said that out of the darkness, stars would come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly. And I always thought the tiger was Tiggerstar, but now I know...IT WAS YOU! It's a self fulfilling prophecy!" _**(Whoa, Starkit's Prophecy actually has continuity for once. That's a plot twist in itself)**_

"What?" said Tigerkit. He was shocked. "No, that can't be right! I know I'm supposed to be evil, and so are you!" But Stargleam wasn't listening. She was looking at Fluffykit, who was bleeding. _**(We're aware. You made that very clear when you once again forgot how to turn Caps Lock off)**_

"Please don't die, Fluffykit," she sobbed. Her tears were making rainbows. Fluffykit's fluffy golden fur sparkled in the sunlight as he said, "I have to, Stargleam, it's my destiny." He closed his eyes and stopped breathing.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Stargleam. She was heartbroken! She had never been so sad before in her life! _**(Except for the five other times she said that)**_

But then...someone said, "HAHAHAHA!" She looked around. It was...HOLLYLEAF! She had killed TIGERSTAR! "You gave me a distraction. Now I can rule the forest for myself!" she said evilly. "Tigerkit will help me!" Tigerkit went to stand beside her.

Gleampaw was about to say, "NOOOOOOOOO!" BUT THEN she got ANGRY. "No," she said. "You're NOT going to rule the forest." And then...HER KAWAII ORANGE EYES STARTED TO GLOW! _**(First they're rainbow, then they're orange, now they're kawaii orange. Cue the power-up music!)**_

STARKIT'S PROPHECY WAS ABOUT TO COME TRUE! _**(What? Don't leave us there!)**_

**Oh my gosh, sorry I took so long to get this chapter out. School got crazy and I had some trouble with Jazzy-kun, but guess what? WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN! It's awesome. She's accepted that I love her, and she's okay with it now. But anyway, we're getting really close to the end! It's going to get REALLY good! ****_(Aww, but we like this level of garbage)_**

**To the flamers, YOU'RE SATANISTS. Jesus taught people to be nice, so why aren't you doing that? You need to learn it, it will help you out a lot! But to all the nice people who review my story, bless you seven. Thank you, I apreciate it a lot. Without you, I may not have written this story at all! **

_**Funny how she's conveniently forgetting that Jesus was a Jew.**_


	44. THE FINALE

_**This is it, everyone. The final chapter of Starkit's Prophecy. I want to thank everybody who stuck with me through this insane ride. I even want to thank the flamers, because you guys made me laugh and want to post another chapter to see how long it would take for you to realize that this wasn't my story. Thank you to everyone on the forums who checked this out, and to my fellow Catsfolk, know that I have now posted my character rants here, on FF! You can find them on my profile. As for this last chapter, I'm going in blind, so I have no idea what's going to happen. Let's finish this piece of crap together.**_

CHAPTER 46: THE FINALE

"This is what you get for messing with ME!" Stargleam snarled, her orange eyes glowing so bright that they could be seen from the moon. "I'M SICK OF ALL YOU INFIDELS!" She crouched down and bared her fangs. _**(I totally can imagine some poor guy up at the ISS seeing that glow and saying, "What the hell is that thing?")**_

"Oh no!" Jazzsong squealed. "She's about to attack! Everyone, get out of the way!" _**(*Cue Pokemon gym battle music* Elite Four Champion Iris sends out Hollyleaf! The Magic Catgirl sends out Stargleam!)**_

All of the good cats ran away and hid under a tree as the ground started to shake. Then, suddenly, the entire forest was enveloped in a bright orange glow, and the screams of many evil cats could be heard. _**(Stargleam used Judgement! It's super effective! It's a one-hit KO!)**_

"ACCEPT JESUS, MOTHERFUCKERS!" Stargleam screeched. _**(...Whoa. Well then. Stargleam learned Badass Preacher! Ironically, that was the only time in this whole story Jesus was spelled correctly)**_

When the glow went away, there were no more evil cats. Tigerkit, Hollyleaf, and Tigerstar were all gone. They had disappeared. The other cats in Satanclan, like Rainheart and Lakepool, had no leader to follow now that their leaders were dead, so they were good again. _**(Stargleam's Hidden Ability, Elements of Harmony, has activated!)**_

"The prophecy of Starkit has come true," said Jazzpaw as she came out from under the tree. "Stargleam, you are our savior." _**(Who else saw that coming? Everybody? Good, you've been paying attention)**_

"Not for long," said Gleamstar, and she fell onto the ground, breathing hard. "That was really hard, it took a lot of energy. I don't think I can fight anymore." She closed her eyes as Jazzsong wailed in horror. _**(YES! OH GOD, YES!)**_

"No," Jazzsong whispered in dismay, racing up to the dying she-cat. "No, no, no, no! Please Gleamstar! Please be okay!" There came no response. Everyone stood and gazed at the scene before them. "Stargleam! Wake up! Please!" Tears began to well up behind her eyes like a dam ready to break." "S-Stargleam...No..." _**(YES!)**_

Jazzsong buried her nose into Stargleam's warm fur. "We've gone too far! We've been through too much together for it all to end here now! Gleamstar...I LOVE YOU!" Lakepool and Redsplash exchanged a lesbian glance, than began to quietly pad towards their dying savoir. "DON'T TOUCH HER!" Jazzstar spat, tears flowing like waterfalls down her cheeks. Then, more quietly, she whispered, "Don't..." _**(What's a lesbian glance? Can somebody demonstrate?)**_

Gleamstar's singed whisker twitched ever so slightly. "Jazzsong..." she breathed. "Closer..." Jazzpaw knelt closer to her, her whiskers barely brushing Starpaw's cheeks. "I...I wish I could stay...And I would if I could...But..." She paused, violently coughing some of the smoke out of her lungs. Her body shuddered. "I...Jazzsong...I CAN SEE THEM!" _**(Yup, there's our Crowning Moment Of Narm)**_

"Who?" Jazzsong wailed, tears rolling down her face. "Who can you see?" _**(We get it, Jazzsong is sad. Actually, this is a very common misconception in the fanbase. Cats don't cry to show emotion)**_

Stargleam closed her eyes and smiled weakly. "All of them...even Fluffykit, Jazzsong! Starclan is beckoning me..." _**(Jazzsong doesn't really seem to care that both of her sons are dead and that her daughter is MIA)**_

"No, Gleamstar, no! Please! Say it isn't so!" _**(Can we hurry up and kill Stargleam?)**_

Before the she-cat could respond, she was beaten by another storm of violent coughing. Stargleam uttered an inaudible mew, shaking uncontrollably, and finally collapsed to the ground, her clenched paws slowly unfolding like the legs of a dead spider. Stargleam's once bright eyes no longer held their shine as they stared off into the distance. A moment passed, and her eyes slowly closed. _**(Is she dead yet?)**_

The clan stood in silence, quietly mourning their tragic loss. Jazzsong wailed and buried her face in Gleamstar's fur. She sobbed uncontrollably, her tail flicking back and forth in a violent motion. "Gleamstar! Gleamstar! Please! Come back! No! Stargleam...Stargleam..." _**(So she's dead?)**_

The motionless cat inhaled. Her voice was barely audible. "It is so...I'm sorry...I love you too, Jazzsong. Never forget that." _**(Damn, she's not dead)**_

"Starpaw..." _**(You guys have no idea how many ellipses I'm editing right now)**_

"I may be gone...But I still live on..." _**(No. Thunderclan will eradicate any trace of your existence)**_

"How, Gleampaw?" Jazzsong sniffled. "Where?" _**(In fire! Hellfire! Sing with me!)**_

"In...your heart..." Stargleam sighed. _**(I think this story has killed ours)**_

"My...heart?" _**(No, your spleen. Speaking of which, what does a spleen actually do?)**_

"In the hearts of you, and everyone in the clan...Your loving memories will keep me alive in your souls, and I will also live on..." Stargleam took one last dying breath, racking her whole body with the effort. "...In Jesus Christ!" The cat once again grew still, and a grim silence swept over. _**(So she's dead now?)**_

"...Stargleam..." _**(Please be dead)**_

Firestar was the first to speak. "Everyone! Look at Stargleam! She's...GROWING!" _**(What? Stargleam is evolving! Dun duh dun duh dun duh dun DAA dun duh dun duh dun duh dun DAA)**_

And indeed she was. Jazzpaw gasped, leaping back from the luminescent corpse. Gleamstar's body rose into the air, small lights appearing around her like lightning bugs. They swirled around her, pulling her father into the sky. Lights began to shrine through Starkit's fur. The clan watched in awe as their savior slowly began to disappear into millions upon millions of lights. They swirled in the air above, slowly ascending into Starclan. The last few flickers of sparks twinkled out of sight...and Gleamstar was no more. _**(YAY! STARGLEAM IS DEAD PARTY!)**_

"Well," muttered Redpaw. "I guess that's that, then." _**(Nope. I still have a few more paragraphs)**_

"Must be," said her lesbian partner, Lakepaw. "But what were those lights?" _**(Our dead souls, claiming Stargleam to punish her)**_

Jazzstar stood and meowed, "The souls of all Starclan and Thunderclan..." _**(But isn't Starclan all clans?)**_

"And Jesus," Redpaw said thoughtfully. _**(Sounds about right)**_

"Yeah," Jazzpaw said, smiling warmly. "And Jesus." _**(And everybody died and canon was restored. The end)**_

_**Oh hey! I was just going back to check the website I'm getting these from. There's one more chapter! Looks like an epilogue. Don't worry, I'll post it, along with my closing statements. Until then, I want you guys to do me a favor and tell all of your friends who read Warriors, or just like reading badfics, about this story. Let's try for 1000 reviews! Until next time, mischief managed!**_


	45. Epilogue

_**Well, here's the epilogue. Guess all good things must come to an end. Enjoy the last chapter of Starkit's Prophecy.**_

EPILOGUE

**Hi guys! :D I guess we're at the end of the story. It makes me kind of happy and kind of sad at the same time. But I had lots of fun writing it. Even though some Satanists FLAMED me. *glares* But anyway, I wanted to recommend listening to the Romeo and Juliet overture by Tchaikovsky when you read this chapter. **

**I know I already said this a lot, but I can't say it enough. Thank you so much to everyone who liked this story! =3 You were what made it what it is, even with the flames, even when it got deleted, even when Jazzy didn't like me and I got really depressed. So may Starclan light your path! :D I LOVE YOU! Jesus does to! ****_(Meh, it's better than getting called a prep by someone who clearly doesn't know what the term actually means)_**

Redfur and Lakepool walked out of the nursery, their kits walking behind. "Hello," said Hawkfrost from the Highrock. He was deputy now that Gleamstar was dead, and Jazzsong was the leader. He and Jazzstar were mates now, and she was pregnant. Flamepelt was leader while she was gone. "Hi, Hawkfrost," said Lakepolol and Redfur happily. They were friends now. **_(Wait, the lesbian reproduction didn't just happen because of Stargleam's kawaii powers? Redfur and Lakepool did it too? That sound that you hear? That's my faith in humanity)_**

Redfur looked around her. There were cats that were rebuilding Thunderclan piece by piece. She could see Jayfeather dragging in some sticks. _He looks happy,_ she thought. He hadn't looked that happy since Stargleam was alive. She was glad. Also, she saw Firestar and Graystripe building up the apprentices den with Sandstorm helping them. Nightrain was helping with the medicine den. _**(So what happened to Dawnsparkle? Or did she only exist to give birth to Stargleam?)**_

Redfur and Lakepool smiled at each other happily. Life would never be the same without Stargleam, but it could be better again. _**(Funny how the whole, "YOU CAN'T BE GAY!" thing seems to be remembered by nobody)**_

"Hey, mama," said one of their kits. It was Bluekit, in honor of Bluestar. "Who's Stargleam?" _**(Yes! The next generation is blissfully ignorant!)**_

"WHAT?" said Lakepool, aghast. "Don't you know anything at all?" "Don't be so hard on them, Lakepool," said Redfur "They're just kits." _**(Real nice parenting, Lakepool)**_

"Well, alright," said Lakepool. "Listen close." All the kits came closer, especially Starkit. Redfur wondered if she could know about who she really was. _**(Wait...they NAMED one of their kits Starkit?)**_

"You see, once, there was this cat who was born with a prophecy about her..." Redfur listened as her mate told the kits all about their aunt. As she was listening, she looked up at the sky, where the sun smiled down at her. Then she realized... it really was smiling! _**(Oh, God no...)**_

Stargleamstar was looking down at them all from above. "Lakepool, look," she gasped, and LakePool did. "Look!" said the kits. Then Stargleam smiled even wider and winked a shining eye. Then she was gone. _**(So Stargleam's face...appeared in the sun? I would cry, but I have no tears left)**_

"Look at that," said Lakepool, smiling. The kits asked what was going on, but she just said, "She really is watching, after all." Redfur and Lakepool's eyes met, and their tails twined. They kissed. _**(Stargleam is watching you...FOREVER! Sorry, had to)**_

All was well in Thunderclan.

…

Sol looked on from above the camp. He was beaming happily. Everything had gone like he had wanted it to.

He looked up at the sky, where he knew Gleamstar was watching, along with the rest of Starclan. His work was done. Everything was going to be

CREDITS _**(Wait, what?)**_

MUSIC: TCHAIKOVSKY

STORY: XDARKROSESX

WARRIORS: ERIN HUNTER

EDITOR FOR A COUPLE OF CHAPTERS: JAZZSONG

WARRIORS CHARCTERS: ERIN HUNTER

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS: XDARKROSESX

EVERYTHING ELSE: YOU!

THANK YOU FOR READING!

_**There you have it. Starkit's Prophecy didn't just pull a My Immortal on us. No, **__**it ended mid-sentence. **__**There will be one more chapter after this, my afterthoughts, so stick around for that. Thank you, everyone!**_


	46. Afterthoughts

Hello, everyone! Wow, what a ride it's been. I want to take a moment to thank all of you guys, especially the ones who stuck through from Chapter One and kept coming back for more. You guys are the reason this fanfic is the success it is now. This is on the first page if you search for the most-reviewed Warriors fanfics! Whenever I felt like putting this on hiatus or scrapping it altogether, all I had to do was look at the reviews and know that I was helping brighten up somebody's day. In a way, you guys are the reason I'm even being able to type this tonight.

I noticed a certain pattern in the reviews: a lot of people were requesting that I post more unedited chapters as a contrast. Well, I've realized something. I'm going to miss this fanfic too much to never see it again. Therefore, your request will be granted in the form of my newest work..._**STARKIT'S PROPHECY: UNCENSORED.**_That's right, kids. I am going to be reposting Starkit's Prophecy _without_ editorials. However, you can still count on me being a smart-ass with my commentary.

As for the next badfic I plan on reposting...I have no clue. However, for all of you bronies out there, I think I've found what's going to become the MLPFIM equivalent of this story. It's called "Sundances Journy: Friendship is love". Look it up, but I'm warning you, it's pretty bad. It looks like it's written by some crazy weeaboo teenager, so I'll probably get around to it eventually, since it looks too good to pass up. Unfortunately, there is one matter I want to address that's a bit more serious.

_**Please stop reposting Starkit's Prophecy.**_Do you want to know why I chose to repost Starkit's Prophecy instead of My Immortal? Because when I started this, there were 28 reposts of My Immortal, and none of Starkit's Prophecy. Over the course of this fanfic, that number has gone from one repost, mine, to six, not counting mine. I get it, it's fun to laugh at a bad fanfic and get some attention. But this archive has enough people trying to share Starkit's Prophecy's spotlight (cough Hope Of A Clan and Sunshinekit's Destiny cough) and get the same attention it got. Couple that with the huge amounts of awful spoofs that aren't even funny and the fandom specific plot self-insert fics, and this archive is in a sorry state. Please try to be original and write fanfics that haven't already been done before. For people who have trouble thinking up their own plotlines, I have one word for you: crossovers. Do you like Alice In Wonderland? Write a Warriors fanfic that follows the plot of Alice In Wonderland. Do you read X-Men? With a bit of creativity, it would be very easy to make an X-Men/Warriors AU fic. And if you still want to repost Starkit's Prophecy after reading this, then at least credit me for being the original one to do so. The only thing that bugs me more than unoriginal fanfics are unoriginal fanfics that don't credit the first person who thought of the idea.

Yeah, that's about it. May the sparkly rainbow kawaii cats haunt your dreams, and may you have good luck with your own fanfics. Signing off for the last time until I post SPU, this is The Magic Catgirl, saying thank you for the


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